Get to know me!
Get to know me!
Please check my “Family”, “My Background”, “Hobbies“, “Interests”, “Quotes“, “Thoughts” and “Stories” sections, and, feel free to enter a post in “My Blog”; thanks!
If you want to phone me, there’s a “Call Me” button (if I don’t answer, you can leave a VoiceMail, or, use this phone no. to text me). Also, note there’s a “Contact Me” menu-item for any questions or comments.
(afterwards, re-enter my website address to return to it)
Dean Blog (afterwards, re-enter my website address to return to it)
08/88 - 11/90
St. Louis, Mo.
Doctorate Program in Management
(All But Dissertation) ABD
01/83 - 12/87
St. Louis, Mo.
MBA (Finance emphasis)
09/78 - 12/82
St. Louis, Mo.
B.S. in Systems and Data Processing (with Honors)
09/77 - 05/78
St. Louis, Mo.
Data Processing major
09/75 - 12/76
St. Louis, Mo.
Psychology major
06/73 - 11/73
St. Louis, Mo.
Certificate in Operations and Programming
04/07 – 02/10
Role(s): Consultant (Business Systems Analyst)
Accomplishments: Multiple projects: Auto. Liability, Business Intelligence, Check Request, Criticism Tracking, General Liability, Purchase Order, Vendor Management, Workers Compensation (Primary and Excess) - led Requirements Gathering meetings, developed Requirements (Stakeholder Requests, Features, Business Rules, Supplementary Requirements, and Use Cases -managed via Rational RequisitePro, with Business Process Flows via Visio), following RUP, then switched to User Stories and Work-Breakdown Structure, following AGILE; also, performed analysis support for software search (RFP) project to select Vendor for Auto/General Liability and Document Management packages
04/99 – 01/07
Role(s): Software Engineer, Sr. Software Engineer, Systems Analyst
Accomplishments: Rewrote legacy (RPG) Car Sales system in PowerBuilder; Developed new system (Enterprise Vehicle Management System) in Java; Developed reporting (MS Access/VBA) on this system; Wrote “Use Cases and Page Action Specs” (RUP, RequistePro, Visio); System Security Administrator, Performed as QA Analyst
03/98 - 04/99
Role(s): Project Manager
Accomplishments: Managed maintenance for Retail Store Accounting system (“Universal Account Reconciliation”) and Wholesale Customer Management system; Business Process Modeling (BPM) of these systems (uncovered risks of several million dollars) and others that interfaced with them as basis for their rewrite; PowerBuilder Mentor and Trainer
03/97 - 03/98
Role(s): Consultant, Trainer
Accomplishments: Converted and enhanced Rating and Safety Records system from PowerBuilder release 4.0 to 5.0, including database design; Trained client’s staff (InfoMaker, PowerBuilder, SQL,Object-Orientation); Initial re-design of HMO/PPO Claims Reporting system (from MS Access to PowerBuilder/InfoMaker); Enhanced Communications Rates system; Organized technical training program for Consultants as well as trained them (SQL/RDBMS, Advanced SQL, Structured Systems Analysis and Design, Intro. to PowerBuilder/InfoMaker)
04/87 - 02/97
Role(s): Technical Support Analyst, Programmer/Analyst, Team Leader, Quality Assurance Coordinator, Lead Systems Engineer
Accomplishments: Installed & documented Telephone Co. Facilities Management system at several locations, including client support, capacity planning and performance analysis; Developed Fiber-Optics Communications Control system, including user training, development of standards & procedures and leading a team of programmers; Quality Assurance (responsible for project scheduling, system design reviews, integration and system testing, quality metrics, design of problem report logging system, internal auditing, system and data security) on 50-person project for a Plant Maintenance system; Re-developed this system from mainframe Cobol to client/server PowerBuilder, including interfacing desktop tools with this system and developed decision-support systems (DSS) for this system; PowerBuilder Mentor
08/86 - 03/87
Role(s): Technical Support Analyst, Programmer/Analyst
Accomplishments: Developed standards & procedures, forms design, implementation planning, operations analysis and job scheduling for Settlement system between Cell Phone Co.; Developed this system
06/84 - 06/86
Role(s): Analyst/Programmer
Accomplishments: Responsible for Credit Card Fraud/Security system (development, implementation, maintenance and user training); Maintained & enhanced Credit Card Clearing/Settlement system
11/81 - 06/84
Role(s): Systems Analyst/Project Leader, Analyst/Programmer
Accomplishments: Analysis and design of new HR Manpower system and re-design/re-development of HR Employee system, including directing a programming team; Responsible for packages (Property Accounting – PIMS, Tax Management - SMITES) -installation, integration, and user training
11/80 - 11/81
Role(s): Programmer/Analyst, Systems Analyst
Accomplishments: Developed Freight/Traffic system; Complete responsibility for all non-financial systems, including major migration effort (as of an acquisition)
01/79 - 11/80
Role(s): Technical Support Analyst, Systems Programmer, Programmer/Analyst
Accomplishments: Developed a documentation control system, a project management system, and standards & procedures; Established a technical training program; Performed system performance monitoring and tuning; Developed Hospital Census and Medical Records systems
11/73 - 01/79
Role(s): Computer Operator, Lead Computer Operator
Accomplishments: Responsible for 2 shifts of operations, job scheduling and development of operating procedures and control system
Hardware:
Macintosh, Compaq, HP 9000, IBM: System III, 370, 43xx, 303x, 308x, 309x, AS/400, PC, PS/2; Motorola S4000, Pyramid, RCA Spectra 70, SUN 386i, Univac VS90/70
Software:
St. Louis, Mo.
09/10 - 11/10
Role: Casual Mail Handler
Sort, lift and push moderate to heavy loads of mail and packages to prepare for delivery. Prepare mail (large folders & magazines) for a sorting machine.
O’Fallon, Mo.
11/10 - 02/14
Role: Clerk
Sort, lift and push moderate to heavy loads of mail and packages to prepare for delivery. Sell products, including postage stamps and money orders. They weigh packages and mailers, apply correct postage, collect money from customers, and advise them on mailing methods.
Herculaneum, Mo.
02/14 -10/21
Role: Clerk
Sort, lift and push moderate to heavy loads of mail and packages to prepare for delivery. Sell products, including postage stamps and money orders. They weigh packages and mailers, apply correct postage, collect money from customers, and advise them on mailing methods.
08/84 - 12/93
Financial Services Representative
Missouri life insurance license; NASD securities license for mutual funds and variable annuities
08/85 - 12/94
Legal Services Agent
Sold plans covering legal fees
06/93 - 12/93
Owner
Distributor of discounted consumer goods to retailers and wholesalers
12/94 - 12/96
St. Louis, Mo.
Adjunct Professor
Course(s): Computing and Information Systems, ComputerIntroduction to Data Processing, Financial Planning Utilization and Applications for Management (Masters level course), Computer Applications in Management
08/99 - 07/01
St. Louis, Mo.
Adjunct Professor
Course(s): Team Building in MIS, Database Principles
11/98 - 06/99
St. Louis, Mo.
Adjunct Professor
Course(s): Introduction to Business Administration, Network Fundamentals, Data Communications
09/83 - 12/92
St. Louis, Mo.
Instructor
Course(s): Introduction to Data Processing, Financial Planning
08/97 - 12/00
St. Louis, Mo.
Instructor
Course(s): Intro. to PCs, Intro. to Windows, Intro. to Word Processing, Intro. to Spreadsheets/Charting, Intro. to Databases/Reporting, Intro. To Communications/Internet, Intro. to Graphics
01/96 - 06/07
St. Louis, Mo.
Adjunct Professor
Course(s): Departmental [End-User] Computing and 4GLs, Fundamentals of Information Systems
01/89 - 05/89
St. Louis, Mo.
Adjunct Professor
Course(s): Structured Systems Analysis and Design (Masters level course)
06/95 - 08/96
Orlando, Fl.
Seminar Presenter
Integrated Desktop Tools with a PowerBuilder Application, Ad Hoc Reporting with Drill-Down Functionality
(Group of LCMS urban Missouri District Churches in St. Louis metropolitan area)
Role(s): Founding Member, Board Member, Leader of “Cross-Cultural Team”, Leader of “Information Services Team”, Secretary, WebServant
Accomplishments: CORO Community Leadership Training; Public speaking; Built PiUM website; LCMS Missouri District “Urban St. Louis Research Project”
(Groups of Christians dedicated to refugee ministry in St. Louis metropolitan area)
Role(s): Board Member on “Governing Board”, Founding Member, Member of “Steering Committee” and “Publicity Committee”
Accomplishments: Helped organize 1st annual conference
Role(s): Bible Study Leader, Board Member - Board of Stewards and Board of Elders, Evangelism Caller, Committee Member for: Assimilation, Budget, Constitution Review, Endowment Fund, Internet (Chairperson), Nominating, Salary Review, School Accreditation Steering (Philosophy Chairperson), and Youth, ESL Teacher, Greeter, Member of: Executive Council, Men’s Club (President), Neighborhood Outreach, “Open Gym” Guardians, Parent-Teacher League (PTL), TeleCare and Voters Assembly, President (CAO) of the congregation, Small Group Ministry Leader, Sunday School Teacher, Usher (Asst. Head Usher, Usher Team Captain), WebServant.
Accomplishments: Coordinated a computer lab for Sunday School students on Saturdays; Installed PC LAN system for church/school office and trained staff how to use this; Organized Christmas Tree Sale program (Advertising Chairman, Overall Chairman); Organized "Neighborhood School"; Public speaking; Setup a computer lab and educational software for the K-8 students; Built its website; Helped to establish an ESL program; Missionshift Project Representative
Role(s): Stephen Ministry (SM) Care-Giver
Accomplishment(s): SM Supervision Meeting Facilitator
Serving God, my church (St. John’s Lutheran - St. Louis city) & country and CFNA by reaching-out to Refugees from around the world (esp. with the Nepalese)
Ministry included:
Like with all ministries, being a part of it blesses the giverr more than the receiver, as we serve the Lord while we serve others! Though I often tried to tell these refugees that I was so blessed to be allowed to reach-out to them, but, they always were so grateful that I was helping them, yet, I can witness to you that this ministry, through Jesus’ Love, transformed my life more than anything, esp. since we focused on John 3:16!
Mo. Chapter of U.S. Tech Corps, USTC
Role(s): District Coordinator (for Lutheran Schools in Mo.), Lead Teacher, Site Coordinator, and Project Manager for the St. Johns Lutheran School site, Training Center Program Committee Chairman
Accomplishments: Initiated training program initiative
Tower Grove South area of St. Louis, Mo.
Role(s): Board Member, Member of: Crime Investigation Task Force, EPA “Listening Project” (Alley Cleanup Steering Committee), Mobile Patrol, Tower Grove South Coalition (Strategic Planning Committee), WebMaster
Accomplishments: Developed “Religious and Educational Alliance Program” REAP; Built GOHCC website
Missouri Chapter
Role(s): Vice-President
Accomplishments: Public speaking
St. Louis Chapter
Role(s): Hot Line Receiver, Membership Database Administrator, Secretary
Accomplishments: Lobbied Missouri Legislature; Public speaking
Missouri Chapter
Role(s): Founding Member, Membership Database Administrator, Sgt. at Arms, WebMaster
Accomplishments: Lobbied Missouri Legislature; Developed “Child Access Transfer Center” (CATC); Public speaking
St. Louis Chapter
Role(s): Hot Line Receiver
Accomplishments: Lobbied Missouri Legislature; Public speaking
Faith -> Love -> Unity -> Peace
Fear -> Hatred > Division -> War
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” (MLK, Jr.)
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that“ (MLK, Jr)
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu
"Believe you can and you're halfway there." - Theodore Roosevelt
Someone felt sorry for a butterfly as it was struggling to come-out of its chrysalis; so, he tried to help it get out. Unfortunately, when the butterfly emerged earlier than normal, it's wings were not fully developed and it could not fly. As a result, it died shortly afterwards.
Think of this butterfly whenever you want to help someone but end-up enabling them as they avoid the very struggle they need to develop in a healthy way and they don't learn what they need to know to grow in their life.
After weeks of research, this is just an alternative opinion:
Our Soul is a virtual repository that contains: our spirit and, for those who were physically or spiritually baptized, The Holy Spirit within us; also, it virtually contains our thoughts, feelings, & memories; upon death, our Souls live-on into eternity!
Our Mind is also a virtual repository contained in our brains (upon death, since our brains are physical, it also dies and does not live-on), but, it also virtually contains our thoughts, feelings, & memories (not our spirit nor The Holy Spirit within us)!
You know how, when you ponder on some previous experience, it seems like you feel it again?
The evening before I had my quadruple bypass operation, I felt so joyful (euphoric), which seemed odd, since this was a very serious & risky heart operation, but, I knew the Holy Spirit had filled me and I reached-out to my wife, some friends & family & my Pastor that evening.
I was not scared at all; I remembered what my former Pastor said before he was about to go parachuting - “either way, it’s going to be fine - if I make it, it will be a great experience; if I don’t, I’ll be in Heaven & that’s the best”!
I was so happy after the operation - I whispered to my wife “I’m alive”! I’ve since been more normal but I try to remember not to worry & put myself in God’s Hands as that’s the best place to be!
Our common intellect, based upon our collective knowledge, has increased dramatically in modern times.
Our basic emotions has been a roller-coaster, in regard to how we feel towards others, as they’ve not always “advanced” since the beginning of history in all parts of our world
Our True Faith has always been, is, & will always be, regardless of our thoughts or feelings; so, if we believe our True Faith depends upon “modern thought or feelings”, we are deceiving ourselves, misled, & “off-center” regarding our eternal lives; so, it’s best to focus on The True Center, God, Who will always keep us in-focus & centered on Him & through Him, when we humble ourselves & keep Him as our ultimate Direction of our eternal lives!
From 1 John 4:
4b “the One Who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world”
7 “let us love one another, for love comes from God”
8b “God is love”
9b “He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him”
11b “since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another
12b “God lives in us and His love is made complete in you
16b “Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him”
18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear”
19 “We love because He first loved us”
21b “Whoever loves God must also love his brother”
SUBMITTING (as in truly putting our lives in God’s Hands) is NOT quitting. Running towards something is NOT the same as running from something. A life of Servanthood is a life of Freedom. The most free person Who ever lived chose to be the greatest Servant (for all of Mankind),
My sister-in-law, Reggie, was in a Kansas City hospital dying of Lupus; so, my wife & younger daughter and I wanted to visit with my brother, Steve, as he was by her side. Along the way there, I wanted to buy something (to lift his spirits) at an OzarkLand store; so we stopped for it.
As I looked around the store at books, plaques, figurines, etc., I passed-by a small painting of Jesus, praying at Gethsemane - so hard, the Bible says He was “sweating blood”! This certainly was an item expressing great Faith, but, it didn’t seem, to me, to be the gift I wanted to uplift my brother’s spirit.
I searched around this store several times, and, each time I passed-by this painting of Jesus at Gethsemane, it seemed to call to me “buy me”, but, I resisted this, until I gave-up trying to find something that was more uplifting; so, I bought it and hoped for the best.
After we arrived at the hospital, my brother was speaking to a large group of his friends & family about his previous night of emotionally driven dreams, in which he said God placed the image of Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane, praying “not My will Lord, but Yours”!!!
He shared with everyone that he believed God was giving him a message about his wife - to let her go into God’s Hands, and, he seemed much more at peace with this situation!
I had yet to tell him of my gift, but, waited until later, when we went into Reggie’s room, where she was sedated. I gave him the gift and explained the experience when I bought it. I expected him to be “in awe”, as I was (as of his witnessing his dream), but, he wasn’t, since he was still focused on his wife.
Reggie died within a short time later. It was about a year afterwards, that Steve read my story and then realized how amazing it was, and, we cried together, and “in awe” of God’s Ways!
This was a story that my brother, Steve, sent me (on 2/20/2021):
When I was about 13 or 14, I went with my Mom to see Great-Grandma Laws in University City. Now, Great-Grandma Laws was Grandpa Ora Dean's Mom. She remarried to a man named “Laws” after her husband died. When her first husband died, she moved in with her son, Ora, in Kirkwood Mo. Great-Grandma Laws worked in Kirkwood cleaning homes and she cleaned Mr. Law's home - that is how they met. Her name before she married the first time was Maddock. I believe she grew up near Perryville in a town called Silver Lake.
Now, when I was at her home in U City, Great- Grandma told me a story that I never forgot; she told me that we were part Cherokee Indian. She said that the young woman who was part Cherokee escaped her Tribe during the “Trail Of Tears”. Now here are some facts about this story:
In 1838-1839, the Cherokee Indians did cross the Mississippi River near the Cape; so, that part of her story can be proven as true.
I took a DNA test recently and there is no Indian DNA in my system but there is a lot of Scottish DNA. When the Scotts came to America, they did marry into the Cherokee Tribe.
I do know that when the Cherokee Indians came over the Mississippi River, there was a report of a young boy and girl who were abandoned in the woods near the Cape.
This may be the connection that makes Great-Grandma's story true. People did not talk too much about the fact that they were part Indian because of the “Indian Removal Act”, put into law by the United States.
It was about 1929; this Law was not enforceable. People who were part Indian did not talk about that much, esp., if they were living in the areas where they were supposed to be removed to places like Oklahoma and areas west of Missouri and Kansas.
I recently read a book about the “Trail Of Tears”, which reported that two children were left abandoned in the woods near the Cape. One boy and one girl, then a family adopted the children. The woods were north of the Cape which is where the Deans lived at this time.
Great-Grandma Laws is the one who passed the information to me that there was Cherokee blood in our family tree!
My brother, Steve, posted this story to our Holdenried Blog on Tuesday, August 30, 2011:
I grew up at 2862 Texas in South St Louis. I lived with my family in a 2nd floor flat and downstairs was my Great-Aunt Clara and my dad's mother, Grandma Holdenried (nee Kramer). I lived in the St. Francis De Sales Parish, which is where many of the Holdenried relatives grew up. My Grand-Father Holdenried, who died before I was born, owned a home just north of the lower playground. I remember playing at school knowing that my dad grew up in a house that I saw each day from my playground.
Just east of the school and the gym there was an old building, that at one time, was a dairy. That is where the Kramer's had their business. On Gravois, just next to the church, was another store where my Grandpa had his store. It was a store; I think they sold wall paper and rugs. The Holdenried Cleaners was only a block and a half from my home on Texas. My Grandfather’s brother, Philip, was a barber and had a shop just about 5 blocks from my home on Texas. The shop was not run as a barber shop for many years. Phillip was a great checkers player and played in many tournaments.
Peter Holdenried also live on Texas Ave about 10 blocks from my home on Texas. It was south of Cherokee Street near where Lutheran Hospital is now. One of the things that really bothered me, when I moved up to St Joseph Missouri, was the fact that my family was all around St Louis and I felt I was leaving my family behind. I guess that is why I work hard as a volunteer; I want to make St Joseph my new home!
Years ago, I was going through a long divorce/custody case, with my 2nd wife, Judy. During a weekend in which I was supposed to have our daughter, Sarah, with me; I spent the weekend at my brother, Steve’s, (also had my older daughter, Amy (from my 1st marriage) with us).
It was getting late on Sunday evening, and, since we were about 25 miles away from where Judy was living (our prior home), I called to ensure she was there but she did not answer; I tried several times but - no answer!
Finally, realizing that I’d be a little late (within an hour), I drove home. To my dismay, when I arrived, I was met by 2 female police officers, who, after Sarah went into the house with her mother, and, Amy walked down the block to her grand-parent’s, I was arrested (for bringing Sarah home late, according to the court-order), hand-cuffed (in front of my neighbors), put into a police car and driven to the local police station, where I was put into a paddy-wagon with other suspects, and, driven downtown to police HQ.
At the police HQ, I was placed into a large room close-by with many other suspects, all asking each other what crime they were arrested for (e.g., attempted murder, robbery, car theft, etc.). When I replied “taking my daughter home later than the court order specified”, some snickered and some sarcastically said to “watch-out for that guy”!
Later, I asked to pay bail, though I had no $ to pay it, but I hoped my brother, Steve, would come down to rescue me, but, he was on vacation with his family (DisneyWorld); I was staying at his house before this. They said I could call him; I left him a voice-mail about my predicament.
Then, I was put into a cell with 2 other jail-mates. Luckily (as this was late at night), they were passed-out. It was the most gross & disgusting place I had ever been, with trash, vomit, urine, and feces all over, and, a single toilet in the middle of 1 wall, though I hoped I would not have to use it. There were 2 bunk-beds; I was supposed to sleep on the lower one of 1 of these beds, with another suspect (passed-out) in the upper one. One major problem - I soon realized that, after I laid down, there were dozens of roaches crawling all over me! I got up, brushed them off and stood-up until I could leave this cell, and, just prayed to God for help!
In about 30 minutes, I was told I could leave, as my brother posted my bail ($50)! I was so very happy to leave; Steve told me he heard my voice-mail, though he just drove for many hours to get home and was very tired, but, after hearing my message, he hurried downtown to bail me out!
God works in mysterious ways since Steve & his family weren’t supposed to arrive home until the next day, but, for some reason, they left early - thanks to Steve and thank God!
From that point-on, I knew that I never wanted to spend a night in jail again (for any reason)!
Hello. My name is Stephen Holdenried ,Sr. and I am 72 years old and from Missouri. Stevie Wonder has always played a part in my life. When I was in High School I started playing with bongos and really enjoyed it a lot. I was a southmore in High School when I first heard the song on the radio “FINGERTIPS” (part one and part two). I loved the songs so much, I left the house and bought the record. I had never bought a record before because I had three older siblings and I listened to their records and the rock and roll stations on the radio. However I just had to buy this recording that I had just heard on the radio. I listen to Fingertips over and over again and played the bongos until I learned how to play pretty good.
When I was in High School, I was part of a 2 man team that competed in a talent show and we won first place, with me playing the bongos. I am now 72 and still play the bongos but, because of a disease I now have, I have slowed down a bit.
Stevie Wonder has alway been one of my favorite singers and I have always enjoyed his music. In 1969 I had just finished my tour in the Air Force and started dating a girl name Regina Bottini. We were in love and she was the best thing that ever happen to me. It was November 27th 1969 and we just left her mom and dad’s house and we were headed to my parents home. As I turned to corner just a half block from their house your song “FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE” started to play on the radio. We both liked the song and we just listen to it very intently.
The song was so real and the words just hit us both like a tank. We both listened to the song and I have to say we both cried and we both felt like the song was written for just us. I was parked by a tree, just next to my parents home. and I remember looking her in the eyes and saw she was also crying. She looked so beautiful and sweet to me and that is when I asked her to be my wife.
We married five months later and we were married for 32 years and then she passed away on November 7th, 2011. We had a love filled marriage and we shared 4 kids together and a love that will always carry me through life. Because I loved her and it was, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.
Thank you for the memories and the greatest song I think was ever written and performed. Lo and behold, when my wife died I found out that my brother, Mark Holdenried, and his wife, Kathy , also felt the the song was their song. It always brings me joy to hear the song. Stevie, I thank you.
Thank You Forever!
If you were a prizefighter back in the 20's, you were considered belonging to a profession or sport that was considered low class. Gangsters and the mob were people who frequently went to the fights. Many good family men with great families also went to see the fights and made the bets on the boxers.
Ora Dean (my Grandpa) was the most moral man I ever knew but he was a boxer and some of his fans were not considered church going men. Ora, because he was a boxer, was liked by the gangsters who were reported to live around, and, in Staunton Illinois and made bets on Ora.
Ora Dean was one of only two policemen who patrolled the city of Staunton. Officer Dean made a habit of checking out the train station when a train would come into town. He just checked out the people and anything that seemed out of place.
One day a gangster who was on the run came in on one of the trains. He went into the train station to take a walk or get a drink. Some of the local guys, who had gangster ties, saw the man get off the train and knew this guy would not blink an eye to shoot and kill Ora, if he thought the policeman recognized him.
Soon, the man was surrounded with locals and they warned him not to shoot Ora. The men who protected Ora told the man that if he put his hand inside his coat he would be shot. The men followed him around until he got back on the train and was on his way to Chicago.
Some time later, the man was arrested in Chicago and he was interrogated about the crimes he completed. It was at this time, he asked just who the policeman was in Staunton that received so much support.
Well, that is the story I have always been told. It goes with this next story and my family passed this one on to me too.
THEY GOT BACK IN THEIR CARS
Ora worked as a police officerr; there were only two in town and only one on duty at a time. Both of the officers took turns protecting the money when it was payday at the mine. The story I was told involved a group of men guarding money coming from St. Louis and headed to Chicago.
It was normal; for a local policemen to accompany such an event when the team would go thru the county. Ora Dean was riding shotgun and protecting the money when they were surrounded at an intersection by four cars.
The gangsters got out of their cars and noticed Ora as part of the group. The story goes on to say the men got back in their cars and drove away.
A robbery took place a day later, near Springfield, Illinois. I know this all sounds just unbelievable but this is the knowledge that was passed on to my family.
This story was not written by me (my brother, Steve). Ora Dean wrote this story about his bouts with Jack Dempsey. When my grandfather was ill and at home, retired from the Kirkwood Police force, he put together this story. He felt that if he could sell the story to the Readers Digest and make enough money, he would go to Lourdes, France. Only a miracle could change the ravages of the disease that brought this man to the canvas. Ora was a fighter and the referee was starting the count, here was a chance to get back on his feet.
In July of 1919, I boxed Jack Dempsey twice, Thursday and Saturday of the same week. Jack had just won the world championship from Jess Willard! The newspapers announced he would be at the Forest Park Highland’s in his first appearance as a new champion. He was to be there and would box exhibitions.
I had just signed a contract with Theodore (Ted) Johnson to be my manager. I was going to fight Fred Nelson on a card at the Old Coliseum in St. Louis the last of July. We were in the semifinals at 148 pounds. Johnson said he would get me a sparring mate when I was ready. Ted managed several boys and we all trained at the Senate Athletic Club. I worked during the day at the Davis Tool Company and trained at night.
Well, after two weeks of shadowboxing and punching the bags, I asked Johnson why the other boys did not work out with me. He told me that several boys said Dean wants to knock out his training mates, so, they would not work with you. This hurt me and I must have spoke without thinking, “ WELL, JACK DEMPSEY IS COMING TO THE CITY. DO YOU THINK HE WILL BOX WITH ME “?
I forgot about the remark but Johnson did not. Later, he said he had been to the Highlands and made the arrangements for me to fight Dempsey. He went on to say that I could box on one of the night shows. (The Highlands theatre had two shows, one in the afternoon and one in the evening.) Why had Johnson taken my remark serious, he and I both knew that I was not in Dempsey’s class?
On Wednesday, Ted and I went to the Highlands. When we got there, a heavyweight named Fleming, wanted to box with Dempsey. Kerns, Dempsey’s manager, asked us to come back the next night. So, because I was not going to box this night, we just relaxed and sat around listening to what was going on. We sat down with a group behind the stage, beside Kern, Dempsey and a guy named Marty Cutler. Marty was the champ’s regular sparring mate. There was a lady lion tamer, her husband, an actor and Ed Wray, the sports editor for the Post Dispatch. Somebody - I think it was Wray, asked Dempsey “What is your idea of a champion?”
Dempsey turned and spoke real loud “I WILL NOT LOOSE THE TITTLE SITTING IN THE CORNER”. I suppose he was thinking of the fight with Willard and how Willard lost. Some were playing cards and they were trying to teach Dempsey to play poker. He really was not interested and his mind just seemed to wander.Then Fleming said he had a bout with Carl Morris. Jack just came alive and told us all a story about how he had first started boxing.
Jack said one day, while he was walking along a railroad track, he saw a lot of people up on a hill. Thinking it may be a picnic and that there may be some food to eat, he went up to investigate. He said he found Morris training in a boxing ring. He did not have a sparing partner; he was just shadowboxing. One of the spectators yelled out to me “Say, you’re a big fellow, will you box with him?” Heck, I replied I don’t know anything about boxing, but I can fight. The manager of Morris asked me to put on some gloves and fight as best as I could. I thought, well, there might be something in it for me, so I put on the gloves and fought as best as I could. Afterward, they asked me to stay on as a sparring mate. I agreed and that evening, I ate chicken and slept in a real bed, it just seemed like heaven.
After I learned a little about boxing and we were training, I hit him in the face a couple of times. This angered him and he said “Why you little------calling me a name. Well, that did it - I saw red and let him have one. He went right down and out. His manager ran over to me and yelled “The big boy will be sore, so you better leave.” Then he said, “Heck, you’re good enough to start on your own”. Jack stopped talking and everybody just started doing something else.
This was the first time I was ever back stage and I was curious and started to wander around. I came upon a man looking through a hole in the curtain. He was holding a gun - it was the lion tamer’s husband. She was on stage in a cage with several ferocious lions. He went on to say “I told her not to feed these darn animals too much meat. When they eat meat, it makes them wild. I had to shoot one some time ago.”
On Thursday, I was put in a dressing room with Cutler. He was about 35 years old. He said he had been Dempsey’s trainer. People often mistake a trainer for an athlete but they are not; they just condition an athlete. He was very kind and helped me in every way he could. He said he was acting as Dempsey’s sparring partner but only until they could find some one else. He went on to say that he had hoped it was soon because he could not take it much longer.
Dempsey will give you the shirt off his back but in the ring, he forgets this and will knock you down, help you up then knock you down again. He is always sorry afterwards but Cutler said I just couldn’t stand being knocked out that often.
Cutler said, “because you are boxing Jack tonight let me give you a tip. He does not like an opponent to show the “WHITE FEATHER.”” When he could see that I was unfamiliar with this expression he told me the White Feather meant showing fear.
When the curtain went up, it left about four feet between the floodlights and the curtain. The ring was behind the curtain. Kerns and Dempsey made their entrance in full dress suits. They talked and cracked a few jokes then Kern would talk about how Dempsey trained. Kern would then finish the story with how Jack made his climb to the championship.
Kern then stopped, faced the crowd and shouted, “Dempsey is like the old Irishmen at the party”. Everyone has to do something to entertain. He can not sing or dance; but, just to be sociable, he will fight any one in the house. The champ then made his exit. He made a quick change because he wore red tights under his suit. The second curtain went up and Kerns said loud, slow and clear, “LADIES AND GENTELMAN. I WILL NOW INTRODUCE TO YOU THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, JACK DEMPSEY IN FIGHTING TRIM.”
Dempsey then shadow-bowed while his regular sparing partner entered the ring; he had on some rather large gloves. They then boxed while Kern explained the punches. Kern then told the audience that Dempsey would now demonstrate the punches used in winning the title from Willard. Dempsey went through the demonstration while Cutler covered himself up. It was really rough because he used a lot of force and even lifted Cutler up off the canvas with his blows. When this would finish, Cutler would leave the ring and another boxer would enter the ring.This time it would be me!
I knew this was only an exhibition and we both wore large gloves but here I was about to get into the ring with the world champion. The rounds were only two minutes long with a minute of rest between rounds. There was no stool in the corner and Kerns acted as the referee, the bell rang! I had been boxing for over three years and thought I knew something about it. I stepped out and landed several light blows. He hit me on the arms and on the shoulders and it felt like the gloves were filled with steel wool not horsehair. Even when he missed I could feel the wind. I now know that he really missed purposely. He shifted his body, later known as the “Dempsey shift” and then he snorted. Kerns shouted, “Jack” and he stepped back. I was glad Kerns was in the ring. Soon, but not too soon, the first round was over. While standing in my corner I remember what Cutler said about the White Feather and determined not to show it.
When the bell rang for the second round, I tried to perform as I had in the first but this time Jack did not miss. When the blows hit, it seemed the gloves had lead in them. He would not stop this time when Kerns shouted out his name. He just kept coming after me, I tried to get away but I soon felt the ropes at my back trapping me. I felt cornered and just caught. When I tried to fight my way out, the lights suddenly went out and I found myself on my knees. I forgot who I was boxing and wondered why the referee did not start the count. I looked up and saw Dempsey and tried to get up. Suddenly, some one grabbed me under my arms and I was lifted to my feet like I was a baby. I again remembered what Cutler said and I tried to swing. Jack backed up across the ring but then came forward and he grabbed me and just smothered my arms. He was smiling and motioned to the bell ringer. Johnson later told me that if he had let me go I would have fell right down, I was out on my feet.
When I was back in the dressing room, Cutler said that this was the first time he ever saw him act like that. He believed he was actually getting humane. We then heard a ruckus in the hall. We opened the door to look out and found Dempsey snorting with rage. Kern was shouting at the champ and pleading with him. He called out, “Jack, Jack don’t start any trouble here”. Jack had overheard a remark in the adjoining room about him and he was mad and angry. He calmed down only after Kern promised to get rid of the fellow. Kern knew that Jack wanted to and would have punched the fellow right out. The champ finally went back in his room but the whole place was on edge.
I wondered why Cutler had not gone over to help Kern control Jack. Cutler must have read my thoughts because he looked at me and said “Only Kern and only Kern can handle Jack when he gets this way”.
Johnson and I caught the streetcar for home. He left at the transfer point and I caught the Lee Car for the ride home. I felt real bad and decided to give up the idea of boxing. I got out of the streetcar two blocks before home and walked. I figured the fresh air would clear my aching head. The next morning I woke up refreshed and went to work. On my way that morning, I thought to myself, I’m twenty-two, married with two kids and I had a good job. I had been boxing on and off again for about five years, so I decided that it was time to quit. Yea! That was the thoughts that I had when I got to work.
When I got to work, the whole place was talking about my boxing the champion. I was getting slaps on the back, handshakes, and cheers. The superintendent even came over to talk to me. I started to think that, hey, maybe I had not done so badly after all. I thought that maybe I would even try again. Perhaps Dempsey had just hit me with a lucky punch and he could not do this again. I must have been in a daze when the superintendent told me that Mr. Davis told him that he would buy reserve seat tickets for all the employees to see the champion if I would agree to box again. I got caught up in all the excitement and said “yes, I would” but I did not think it could really be arranged. He then told me that the arrangements had already been made with the Circus Management and I would be boxing Dempsey again this Saturday.
Again Johnson and I went to the Forest Park Highlands. When we arrived, everybody was in a festive mood. I was put in a room with Cutler and he was extremely happy. An old friend of Dempsey, McCabe, was taking Cutler’s place in the ring with the champ. McCabe was a good boxer who had trained with Jack and he was on the card tonight. Cutler said, “I may get paid well but I’m glad that someone is going to take my place”. Just then we heard the show manager calling for the boxing act to begin.
The act went on, about like it did on Thursday, except that McCabe was now in the ring with the champ for the demonstration. When the action was over Kerns yelled out that maybe Jack went through the demonstration too fast. He then asked the two, to go through the punches again. McCabe stepped back and protested, “WHAT AGAIN”. This caused the whole place to have belly laughs. Afterwards, Kern said “Say, we got to leave that part of the act in”; McCabe did not think that this was funny at all.
It was not long before it was time for me to get in the ring with the champion. When I was introduced the crowd went wild and clapped and did wolf whistles. They had come to see Dempsey but these are all my friends from the shop. I knew that the cheers were so loud for me because these were my buddies but I wondered if Jack knew that, I hope he knew that. The bell rang out and the first of two rounds began. He came straight at me and started pressing me. He kept coming until Kern yelled out “Jack, Jack.” Then he stepped back and relaxed. It was not too long before the first round was over.
I was standing in my corner, saying a prayer. All I wanted was to survive the next two minutes. Just one more round and I told God that if I made it through this bout, I would never again do such a foolish thing. Sweat was running off me by the gallons, I had to do this - my friends were all here. The bell rang out and I turned around and charged out to meet the champ. I was determined that he would not hit me like he did in the last second round we had. He came right at me and into me like a freight train. I was fighting for my life and all I could hear was Kern yelling “JACK, JACK, and JACK”. I was backing but throwing punches as hard as I could. I connected with, I think, Jack’s face. He started snorting and snorting like a giant bull. I could feel the wind coming out of his nose. He was now hitting me and his gloves seemed to just explode every time they landed and they did time after time. I was being tossed from right to left, right to left, like I was a rag doll. My feet were not even touching the floor! I reached down with all my might and pushed off with my legs to back up and get away. I then hit the ropes and I could not go any further; I was done - it was just hopeless.
The whole audience could sense the terrible end and put out a groan. And then it happened, Jack straightened up, stepped back and just smiled. The bell rang - it was all over. The crowd simply went loud. My ears went deaf with all the cheering but this time they were not cheering for me, they were all in this for Dempsey. They kept it up - not for what the champ had done; it was for what he could have done and did not do!
Later, McCabe and I entered Jack’s room. He was a very gentle man this night. He even invited us up to his hotel room. He then autographed his photo and gave it to me. It read, “To my friend, ORA”. I took it home that night and put it up on the mantel.
In 1920, I moved to Staunton Illinois and went to work as a night shift policeman. McCabe, who was living in Gillispie, just north of me, became the Chief of Police in his town. We became very good friends and trained together for several fights. He was a hard puncher, sturdy and loved to fight. I was frail but liked to box, we made a good pair. One day after a long workout, he told me this story. He said that he was back-stage with Dempsey one day in Cleveland, when Dempsey asked him if he remembered me. He went on to say that I was only a welter-weight and that he boxed me twice in two days in St. Louis. McCabe, who at this time did not really remember much about me, said he did not know me. Well, Dempsey sat back and said to him, “That guy was either the gamiest or craziest boy that I had ever met. I hit him hard enough the first night to jar his whole family. When I saw him come back two days later like nothing had happened, I was just stunned”.
I remember my grandfather talking about Jack Dempsey one time when I was up in his room. He was looking for an article from the newspapers that he had saved. He read me some stuff from an old yellow piece of paper, and then he showed me a cartoon of his fight with the champ. It showed Jack as a large well-built giant punching what looked like a “tin man” being blown apart. Grandpa just waited to see my reaction, which of course he got. “Grandpa is that you?” Yes, he said and we both just laughed and laughed. Grandpa was a lot of fun and I really miss him. Love You Grandpa, a lot!
by Stephen T Holdenried on Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 4:24pm
You never know who is listening! I was at the park today near my home. It is a piece of land about 110 feet by 130 feet on a corner, lot just a half block from my home. Eight years ago, I worked with a group of kids from my neighborhood to build a flower park with benches, statues, a patio, trees and a grand entry-way to the park. In the last few years, I have been buying, planting and keeping up the park mainly by myself.
Today, I was getting the park cleaned up and make it ready for planting tomorrow, when my grand-kids will plant flowers at a 7 foot high Angel in the park (dedicated to my late wife) and another spot dedicated to Don Guss, my deceased son-in-law.
I was tired and just worn out but I had one more task to do. I started to do it but,instead, I sat down on one of the benches. I was feeling a little sad because nobody seems to care to help work on the park anymore and I thought “where are the people in the neighborhood?”. I was feeling sorry for myself.
I decided to just pack thinks up, not spray for the weeds and decided I would do it tomorrow. At the same moment, I heard a car stop and two kids get out. They came running over to the park yelling “can we help, please ?”. Then another kid came over and he too wanted to help.
These kids were in the 4th and 3rd grade but they said they really wanted to help, like their sister or brother did years ago. Then, one of the kids said he was 3 years old and he pointed out a brick that he swears he helped put up!
Well, they worked about a half hour then finished up and I scheduled a time next week for them to come back and help me plant some flowers. When they left - Josephine, Andrew and Joe said they have always wanted to help because they love the park. They all said it is a great place to sit and talk to their friends and it is just a nice place in the neighborhood.
Well, that is what the kids 8 years ago wanted to do for the neighborhood and it is still a great place to sit and look at the flowers. 8 years ago, these kids were just 3 or 4 but they remember me and the park and want to continue where their older siblings left off.
Thank you kids for lifting my spirits!
In World War II, policeman, fingerprint expert and former boxer, Ora Dean, gave rides home to late night defense workers. His eldest son was fighting in Europe in the war. Dad taught boys boxing, settled arguments in black and white neighborhoods during segregation, took bullet holes in hat and coat, never killing but wounding robbers. At the age of four, I saw him quietly disarm a gun-weilding man in a fight with a neighbor.
Ora was a hero to six daughters, and two sons. Newspapers called him "peacemaker." Citizens of Kirkwood, Missouri, simply called him "neighbor." I was proud to call him Dad!
As Father’s Day approaches, I think back to the early days with my father, Ora Dean. His temperament and personality were a combination of strength and gentleness. A police officer, fingerprint expert, crack shot, and former professional boxer who taught youths in the Golden Gloves, Dad provided a good example for all of his family.
While I did not follow in his footsteps as an athlete, I try to emulate his example as a good citizen, family man, and professional worker. He and my Mom raised eight children, fed the homeless, and were kind to their neighbors and others in our Midwestern town of Kirkwood, Missouri.
At the age of four, playing with some children down the street from our house, I saw my father exhibit an act of courage and neighborly concern. There was some commotion across the street and the mother of my friend called us into the house. As I watched from their dining room window, I saw my Dad arrive in a Police Car with his partner in the rider’s seat.
Dad got out from behind the wheel and walked slowly around the car. Dad held out his hand, and the black man living at the house across the street placed a gun in it. Two next-door neighbors on that side of the street had gotten into a heated argument. Dad knew the man he took the gun from; he worked at the local Post Office.
In another incident, reported in the St. Louis Globe-Democrat newspaper, my Father was called a “peacemaker” when he settled another argument. Two young black men, sons of a man in the trash business, got into an altercation with the manager of a service station over the condition of their pick-up truck. The white man pulled a gun on them. One of the brothers ran home to get his gun. Dad arrived on the scene and worked out a settlement.
In later years, I asked my Father if he had charged anyone with a crime in the two cases mentioned. “Charge anyone”, he replied, indignantly! “They’d have gotten in trouble if I had charged them with anything.” Asked if he had any trouble with any of the individuals involved in these two incidents later, Dad said “not at all”. He knew his neighbors and how to work with them.
Another happening that I witnessed as a child, expressing my father’s concern for all God’s creatures, which took place on the lawn of our Parish Church, outdoors during the Feast of Corpus Christi. A baby bird had fallen out of its nest and Dad climbed the tree then replaced the young one tenderly in its nest. As he climbed the tree, my Father’s gun and holster dangled from below his suit coat - one of the few times I saw him out of uniform!
THIS IS THE STORY OF THE LAST 45 DAYS OF HER LIFE. SHE WAS LAID TO REST ON SEPTEMBER 10, 2001.
It was August 15th, 2001, she was at St Mary's Hospital in Kansas City MO. She was bleeding internally and the blood was so much in her body cavity that she had a hard time breathing. The blood did not leave enough room for her lungs to expand. I was home in Conception Junction, Missouri because I was up at the hospital for about a month; so, I took off that day to go home and pay some bills, etc.
I received a call to come to the hospital as soon as I could because Regina's condition had changed and it was very serious. I jumped in my car and took off as fast as I could to make it to the hospital and wanted to get there before she died.
Well, here is what happened and I did not find out about this for another 18 hours. Reggie's hospital room was filled with doctors and nurses.They wanted to poke a device into my wife's body cavity to suction out the blood that was filling up her body so her lungs could start working.
Now, the doctor who was going to do the procedure asked Regina for her permission to start but she refused. He looked at her and told her in a very faint voice to first pray with him. He had to put his ear to her lips because he could not hear her voice. When he heard her say she wanted everyone in the room to pray, he said, “WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT, YOU ARE GOING DIE IN A FEW MOMENTS”.
A nurse, who just walked into the room, heard Regina's plea for the prayer. She reached over the bed and grasped Regina’s hand and she prayed the “OUR FATHER”. All the doctors and nurses in the room prayed together for my wife. After the prayer they inserted the needle and relived the pressure on the lungs - they started to work again.
I got up to the hospital at about 3 in morning but she was out cold and slept real sound. When I went to the Nurses station, they just told me about the scare but none of the details. I was confident the emergency was over so I went to the top floor of the hospital, where I was about to sleep in a section of the hospital that was used for family who were there for the patients. I had been using the room for over a month at this point. In the late afternoon, after eating and a good shower, I went to see if my wife was awake and about to talk.
When I walked into her room she was very anxious to see me. She told me what had happened and how the nurse walked in and how the whole room took the time to pray. Then she told me something that I did not know really happened or not.
She said that when the nurse took her had and they all started to pray, she saw the face of Jesus in the eyes of the nurse! I was very skeptical and I reminded her that she had been taking a lot of drugs and I told her that maybe she thought she saw that but it may not have really happened.
I made her a little mad and she said “I know what I saw and I know it was true”. I promised to go see the nurse and ask her about the incident. It seems that the nurse was from another floor and she was just helping out the night before. She was from another section of the hospital and so I went up to another floor to see her.
Darn - she was off for the next day or so; I could not get her story for a day or so. Two days later, she was back at work and I approached her and told her who I was and I wanted to thank her for working with my wife but I did not tell her yet about the sight my wife said she saw in this woman's eyes.
SHE SAID “NO NO NO DO NOT THANK ME, I WANT TO THANK YOUR WIFE”. I said why would you want to thank my wife because you reached out to help my wife. [NOW THIS IS THE REAL MIRACLE!]
The nurse told me that meeting my wife changed her whole life! She went on to say when I touched your wife's hand and started to pray, I SAW JESUS IN HER EYES! She went on to say that she had been dealing with a dead-beat Dad, who has been harassing her day in and day out for years. She went on to say that when she got off that day, she went to get an order on him to stay away from her, her kids, her work and her home.
She also said she now had a lawyer and she is going after him for back child support. “Meeting your wife and seeing Jesus in her eyes was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am never going to be scared of him again”!
When I had a chance to get a word in edgewise, I told her about my wife seeing Jesus in her eyes too. Reggie was so happy and filled with joy when I told her about the nurse and what happened in the woman's life. My wife said she saw Jesus almost daily or an Angel and even the Blessed Mother!
My wife slipped into a coma about the 30th of August and I never was able to talk to her again. Some people said they could tell the room was filled with the Spirit when they saw her. Her whole family and my family was there, by her side, when she passed away.
The morning she passed, my Father-In-Law told her “HEY REGGIE DO NOT GIVE UP BECAUSE BOTTINI'S NEVER GIVE UP”. She gave us a big smile, so we knew she could hear us. We were chased out of the room and we all went into a nice room and we prayed and talked and waited but nobody was allowed to see her for about 3 hours.
About 4 doctors and 2 nurses then walked into the room. I have never seen so many workers at any hospital all crying at one time but I saw it that day. YOU SEE IF YOU EVER MET REGINA MARIA BOTTINI HOLDENRIED, YOU LOVE HER!
She passed away on the 7th of September and she was buried on the 10th of September. The church was filled to capacity and there was about 10 priests that said Mass including Father Matt from St Joseph, MO.
I gave the Eulogy and I made it all the way through without crying. The Bishop was there and he told me later that I missed my calling. My relatives said there was not a dry eye in the house. I have one more thing to add and I made this my main point with my Eulogy because this is the lesson my wife wanted all of her kids and me to remember:
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE TIME, THE DAY OR THE PLACE WHEN JESUS COMES BACK. ONLY THE FATHER KNOWS, SO YOU MUST BE PREPARED!
My brother, Steve, and his wife, Regina, moved back from Florida many years ago; so, my wife, Kathy, and I visited them when they moved into their new home. They used to have a velvet painting of Jesus, before they moved to Florida; they used to have it hanging at the end of their hallway in their house, when their children lived with them, so, their children would see it when they walked down theirvhallway to their bedrooms.
They took it with them to Florida , but, when they returned, it was missing (hopefully just not yet unpacked).
After eating and discussing various topics, we were ready to leave, and, Kathy and I were near the door, ready to leave. Steve was in the kitchen; Regina was sitting in a lounge chair near the front door.
Since Kathy and I were very involved in various ministries in our church, and, had a reputation in my family as being evangelistic. Steve and Regina had a long history of being involved in their churches, and, had a good & close spiritual relationship with God.
I mention this to put it in perspective what I was about to say, as I was about ready to leave. I didn’t realize the words I chose certainly had a double-meaning, as I asked her (in reference to the missing painting, which they highly desired), “Have you found Jesus?”!
My wife immediately realized that Regina would have taken this as an insult, as evidenced by the startled look on Regina’s face, which I will never forget! Kathy interjected “the painting” to clear-up any misunderstanding, shown by Regina’s face as it changed from seemingly mortified to laughing (thankfully)!
The house in South County - for some reason, I remember that it was white and one story. It had a large pine tree in front that we used to climb on. On the side of the house was a small incline then the garage. I remember Tammy and I playing there, making mud pies. I remember Diana walked in-between us two and she came to the back yard and the pasture. The pasture was fenced in - wood in the front, painted white. On the back of the house there was an enclosed porch, right? I remember the big tree to the left in the pasture and the two-stall barn to the right.
I don't remember ever riding the horses but I remember that one of them got out and everyone went looking for it. I remember being up late and Dad showing up with what I think was a black pony. (Not clear on that).
I think I remember the layout of the house; you walked in and you were in the living room then the kitchen to the left at the back or you went to the right, down the hall - the first was Diana and Tammy's room Then my and Joe’s; the bathroom was straight down the hall. I remember that my bed was to the left when you came into the room, with a window. I remember the owl or bat that was flew in the house and they made us all go into your (Diana & Tammy’s) room.
I remember sitting on Dad's lap and he gave me a taste of coffee - never did like the taste. I remember that one of us fell back into the mop bucket and sitting there all wet. I remember running into the kitchen and telling Dad that I only used one piece of toilet paper to wipe my butt.
I remember the neighbors and their “riding ring”and their barn. I remember being there in their “riding ring” but don't know why I was there. I remember that we used to walk to the road; wait for Dad to get home and get a ride in the UPS truck back to the house.
I have always wanted to go and walk around the place to see if the memories are correct. I did stop by once, when I went to Oakville, but never got out to see it. Hope the house is still there and not torn down! I think that if I could go to a time in my life that is where I would be!
When my Aunt Lina died many years ago, I attended her funeral service at her church. The Pastor extolled about her years of service at their church and elementary school; she was a very helpful volunteer.
For several years before she died, she suffered from the hereditary neuro-muscular disease in our family (Spino-Cerebellar Ataxia #6, SCA6) and was bed-ridden for a long time. During this period of her life, other people, esp. her husband, helped her often.
During his eulogy for her, he emphasized that we all need help, and, we all need to help others! So, since she needed help from others, she had many opportunities to help them help her! By doing this, she was continuing to help others.
This message really stuck with me; so, after I too had SCA6, and, I needed help from others (esp, my wife), this message reminded me to help others by giving them the opportunity to help me!
I thanked God for this message, given to me many years ago, long before my onslaught of this disease!
My wife, Kathy, and I used to spend a week-long vacation each year, around our wedding anniversary going somewhere that I planned but was a complete surprise to her - different every year!
KATY Trail:
One year, we traveled across the state along the KATY Trail; actually we went each day to a city on this trail then spent the day riding our bikes on the trail near that city, then, after sleeping at a nearby hotel, drove to the next city according to my plan.
Before this vacation, I researched the annual bike trip that a biking group rode (though, they biked the whole trail from beginning to end, and, stopped at some hotels along the way). I noted which cities & hotels they visited, and, made reservations for us for our excursion.
We began in Washington, not actually on the KATY Trail, but, in contrast to it, there was a paved path, which was very easy to ride on.
The next day, we drove across the Missouri River to Marthasville, our first stop on the KATY. In Washington & Marthasville, we stayed at little, cozy hotels. Our next stop was in Jefferson City (very scenic by the Missouri River with the State Capital in the background). The hotel there had red carpeting; so, we were hesitant to bring our bikes into the hotel to our room, but, that’s what they told us to do (they were used to the biking group doing it on an annual basis); so we did!
The next stop was in Boonesville, where Daniel Boone’s sons established it. Later, we discovered that our cousins, Leo & Mariann Cipriano, lived nearby. Our last stop was in Sedalia, where the annual State Fair was held. We visited it, though it was basically empty, yet, still interesting to see.
We returned the same way that we arrived, except that, near New Haven, our car had a flat tire. We pulled into someone’s driveway and tried to change the tire but had difficulty doing so, as we couldn’t get the wheel off, with the tire iron we had. Fortunately, the owner of the house whose driveway we were using, helped us change the tire; so, we were on our way home!
Biking the KATY Trail, was so scenic, though, many of the spots looked very similar as most of the trail had trees and bushes on both sides, with occasional windows of farm sights, between the trees. Most of the people, living by the trail, were friendly, though there were a few who were somewhat perturbed by the bike riders coming through their territory.
One particular spot was memorable. It began to rain; this became a storm. God blessed us by providing a shelter at this spot; so, we rested, ate lunch from our backpacks and snuggled until the rain stopped. The shelter had a metal roof; so, while we were there, we listened to the rain playing a song on the roof.
All-in-all, we greatly enjoyed this trip and felt blessed since it was special & unique!
Wineries along Highway 94
My wife and I did not drink much wine before this trip, but, during this week, we visited 17 wineries, along Highway 94, from St. Charles to Washington.
Each day, we traveled to a few wineries for “wine tasting” and bought a few bottles of wine and 2 wine glasses with the winery’s name on them at each winery, then,
we’d go home every day and continue the trip from where we left-off the day before, except once, after visiting Stone Hill in Hermann, where we drank a little too much; so, we stayed at the Hermann Hotel that night.
BTW: some of these wineries had several wines; so, the wine-tasting was not only instructive but could be a little risky in regard to the amount of wine we drank, esp., since most of them didn’t have much food available (just cheese & crackers & other small snacks).
This wine trip began in St. Charles at (1) Bella Vino (it has a different name now), a small winery near its river-front area; the next one (2) was located near Highway 94 and Interstate 70 (it was a branch of Stone Hill Winery, alongside of Highway 70, but, it no longer is located there).
Next (3), was a winery, Yellow Farmhouse, in Defiance, a small town, where there were just - 2 large bars, across the street from each other. They were visited by large numbers of motorcycle riders each weekend and many bicycle riders, as there was a stop on the KATY Trail downtown, next to the winery. There were also many locals as well as visitors to the bars, which tried to outplay each other with rock music, and to the winery. So, it included an eclectic mix of folks, primarily on weekends.
We liked this winery so much that we became members of its “wine club” on a later trip, and, stayed at a B&B there.
The next winery (4) was Sugar Creek, south of Defiance; it had a beautiful, large garden area with tables for eating outside.
Augusta, Mo. was the site of the next 5 wineries: (5) Augusta Winery, (6) Mt. Pleasant, (7) Nobelis, (8) Balducci, and (9) Montelle. This area is “wine country”! All the wines from them were very tasty, but, Montelle had the most beautiful view of the river valley (since it was mid-week, there were only a few visitors; though, on weekends, it was setup for over 100 guests).
The next day, we went to New Haven, where the wineries (10) Bommarito (owned by an Italian descendent in an area founded by Germans with French wine) and (11) Robller were located.
The latter was a little more difficult to find, via a side-road off the Highway (but worth it as they all were, and this one seemed to be family-operated). The former’s owner was in the field on a tractor, when we arrived, but, came to meet us in the store, where we had a long talk about the history of his family (he grew-up in S. St. Louis, close to where we did).
This was indicative of many of our experiences on this trip, esp. during the week, when there were just a few visitors - this gave us the blessing of being able to discuss their history & culture! The most popular wine in Missouri is Norton.
Hermann was the location of our next 3 wineries: (12) Stone Hill (the oldest in Missouri and had an extensive tour available, which taught us about the history of vineyards & wineries in Missouri), (13) Adam Puchta (the oldest owned by a family farm), (14) Oak Glenn, and (15) Hermannhoff (downtown).
Stone Hill has a fantastic restaurant with German food. Its tour reminded us that many years ago, France had a disaster of disease in its vineyards; the Missouri vineyards, initiated with ones from France, SAVED THE FRENCH VINEYARDS using grafts from its vineyards! Our actual anniversary (6/12), was in this day!
Dutzow is where the next (16) winery, Blumenhoff was located; after which, the last one, (17) Front Street is found on the river-front of Washington. It took a while to find this last one, since I planned this trip, using info. from a website about Missouri wines, and, it listed the addresses of these wineries, but, Front Street’s address led us to a subdivision (the owners of this house said this happens occasionally and directed us to its actual site).
After a 17 winery trip, we learned a lot more about wine (Kathy likes sweet and semi-sweet; I like them all, but, it’s better to eat some food with the dryer ones). We accumulated about 64 wines during this venture, bought a wine rack as a result, and began a tradition of bringing a bottle or two when we were invited to a get-together at our friends’ homes!
Years ago, when my wife, Kathy, and I would take a week vacation around our wedding anniversary (6/12), I would surprise her by planning it, though it would be a
total surprise for her. When we spent it in the little town of Kimmswick (about a mile from our home), there was only one place to rent a place to sleep overnight (the Greenhouse Inn), and, it still is. As of this, I made the reservation 8 months in advance in order to ensure we’d get this week there.
So, there was only 1 unit at this Inn, but, it was roomy and very pleasant. One of our favorite restaurants is the Blue Owl (in Kimmswick); we used to go there for years before we moved to Imperial, near Kimmswick. So, going to this restaurant for breakfast, before continuing with our vacation was not unusual. As we left the restaurant, it seemed like I was leaving town, but, I pulled-into the driveway of the Inn, to my wife’s amazement!
Kimmswick was one of my wife’s favorite places, as its downtown area contained 50 shops. This surprise was even more dramatic as, the year before, we went to Florida. Shortly before this week, there was a significant flood in Kimmswick, but, we could walk around the town, from shop to shop easily, at this time.
As of the recent flood, there weren’t many shoppers visiting the town, and, since we were the only ones staying at the Inn, word about us spread about town, such that, even before we entered a shop, they seemed to realize who we were, and, we were treated like royalty. There were 50 shops in town and we went to each one and bought something from each one.
During this week, the St. Louis Blues hockey team was playing in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Since we didn’t know the channel on the TV at the Inn was going to show the championship game, and, since we lived only about a mile away, we went home to get this info., returned and taped the game - we won!
There were only 4 restaurants in town, including the Blue Owl - we ate a few times at each one; fortunately, each one was good, and, sometimes, we’d get some meals to go to eat back at the Inn, which had a refrigerator, microwave and stove; so, we cooked meals at the Inn too.
The owners of the Inn were a gracious & friendly coup, who also owned a mansion, next to the Inn, as well as a motorcycle shop that the husband operated, and, another shop selling nick-nacs and other collectibles, run by the wife.
We thanked God for this very special, unique experience for our anniversary vacation, which was located only about a mile from our home, where we still live.
In 1992, I became a Member of St. Johns’ Lutheran Church (St. Louis city); I was going through a very rough time in my life (an ugly 3-year divorce/custody battle, during which I was very emotional, financially and spiritually distressed). Near the beginning of 1993, I was living in a rooming house (just 1 room for me, sharing a bathroom with 4 other renters, but no kitchen and no A/C in a dangerous neighborhood).
It was then that 2 members of St. John’s’ (from the Board of Evangelism) sent me a simple card with a letter, inviting me to come to church more consistently and gave me info. on how I could get involved in some areas at church. More so, even though, I had been attending regularly for almost a year, it told me I was really "welcome" at St. Johns.
I wanted them to know how uplifting and needed their message was at that time! Most times, you never hear how much just a simple gesture may have a powerful (through the Holy Spirit) impact. I placed that card in a prominent place in my 1-room home. It inspired me, made me feel like I belonged, and, in general, triggered a blessed inner-peace whenever I looked at it.
It was just 1 "step" along my way to having a more close and personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, but, sometimes, a "step becomes a leap" as it jump-started my life with Christ in His family of St. Johns!
On a Sunday, my daughter, Sarah, was near the altar as an acolyte and even sung with the children (she had never done this) as they sang "Open my eyes to Your heart, Lord" (which really says it all). I was sitting in the pew with my wife, Kathy, (the Sunday School Superintendent) and my other daughter, Amy, (a Sunday School Teacher for PK & K). I'm also a backup
Sunday School Teacher. Kathy, Amy and I went to the altar to be blessed by the Pastor and the
congregation to continue our Sunday School teaching (Sarah was right behind us).
Afterwards, I looked over the pews and saw the 2 members who sent me the message, and, I remembered that card and pondered what may have happened if that "step" was not taken. Would I have been as involved at St. Johns? Would I have become as close with our Lord? Would I have been so blessed as to meet my future wife there? Would my 2 daughters have become as close as they have to our Lord over the years and get more involved with our church-family there? Only God knows, but, that "step" was taken by them, and, I wanted to thank them & God again!
At the time when I was going through that tough period, I wasn't able to be with Sarah very much, and, because of her Mom's state-of-mind & behavior, as well as what seemed to be an uncaring court system, I was very, very concerned for Sarah's welfare, esp. her spiritual welfare. I couldn't take her to Sunday School or Worship Services then, and, in the little time we had together, I didn't have much time to teach her about religion (little did I know that showing her my Faith was more important anyway).
Well, since then, Sarah was with Kathy, Amy and I a good amount of time and we discussed our Faith a lot. She's attended Sunday School and Worship Services for several years. She even was a Sunday School Helper for her Girl Scout project. Sarah loved to acolyte and, she attended Pastor's Confirmation Classes, which he graciously scheduled just for her, though he was very, very busy. She's grew in her Faith - what I was so concerned about (her spiritual life) before had blossomed very well.
So, I want to thank those members, our Pastor, our St. Johns’ family, and, most of all, Jesus Christ for all these blessings and making that "step" become a “leap”!
Sometimes, we pray to God for direction, and it helps, as we try to make a decision. He always answers our prayers. It may not be what or when or how we expected. There are various means that He uses to send us a message (through other people, a dream, impromptu thoughts, an event/experience that we're involved in or just witnessed with our eyes or ears, something that we read, even something that we catch ourselves saying, etc.). Many times, it's not so direct - it may need to be interpreted or, at least, meditated upon. Years ago, it was very direct to me, so, I'd like to share it.
I was on the "Board of Elders" at my church before (it's been about 6 years). In case you're not aware of the purpose of being on this Board, there are 2 primary areas of concern for its members - (1) anything that may effect the Worship Service, and, (2) Congregation Members who haven't attended for at least 3 months and may need a spiritual uplift via a visit from an Elder. I remember that when I was asked the first time (about 8 years ago), I thought I was too young to be an Elder. Well, I was a little more seasoned then.
I was asked again to consider being an Elder. Actually, I received a certificate that was a "Call to Service" from this Board and our Pastor. Though I had served on this Board before, and, though I will always be grateful to our Pastor and my church (St. Johns Lutheran) for previously serving as the vessel to change my faith to center on a close and personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, this decision still needed careful consideration before answering. So, I prayed about it for days. Then, on the following Sunday, when I wanted to give an answer, I prayed even more intensely about this.
Every morning, I read the "1 Year Bible". It's been the most significant and wonderful part of my new life in Christ. It's segmented into 4 sections for each day: (1) Old Testament reading (with the Law, which tells me I'm a sinner and deserve eternal punishment), (2) New Testament reading (with the Gospel, which tells me that, even though I don't deserve it, Jesus paid the price for me and everyone to receive eternal glory), (3) passages from Psalms (beautiful praises and prayers), and (4) passages from Proverbs (pure wisdom to live by).
In the past, I knew that I received unexpected answers to prayers through these daily readings, but, not as direct as upon this day when I was intensely praying for direction from God on how to answer this "Call to Service". Also, keep in mind that Elders are no better than anyone else, though, like many other church volunteers, they realize they are role models and need to behave and be as such.
Right after I was concentrating upon this prayer, I read the following passages from 1 Timothy 4:11-16(NIV):
Command and teach these things. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands upon you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
Sometimes, God answers directly, in a timely manner and without any question! Shortly after this, I gave His answer to my Pastor and this Board.
I wanted to share this, not because I wanted to boast of this, but, to remind us all that God indeed always answers prayer, sometimes very directly. In order to receive His answer, we may need to listen more, and, I recommend reading His Word as an awesome way to do so!
(By James Dean) When I was born in 1935, my father named me after the current Heavyweight Boxing Champion that year, James Joseph Braddock.
Five years ago a dental assistant asked me, “What was your mother thinking about, naming you after the actor, James Dean?” I replied, “I was 15-years-old when the actor came on the scene, but my father was a professional boxer, who named me after a fighter.”
It turns out I was named after the world-heavyweight boxing champion. (Braddock lost his title to Joe Louis two years later.)
Braddock, son of poor Irish immigrants, broke both his wrists, and returned to beat Max Baer for the world title. Braddock was then called, “The Comeback Kid,” or “Cinderella Man,” (Thus, the title of the new movie starring Australian actor Russell Crowe.)
My father became a policeman and fingerprint expert in Kirkwood, outside St. Louis, Missouri. Ora Dean was a professional boxer in his youth, also fighting Heavyweight Champion Jack Dempsey in two exhibition bouts in the 1920s. (Dad was only 19, already married to Ruth, my mother, and a machinist at a factory at the time he turned Light Heavyweight.) When the St. Louis area owner of the plant he worked at heard he had just fought the new world champ, he arranged to reschedule a match for my Dad of two rounds with Dempsey, and bought tickets for all his factory workers!
My mother had no desire for me to follow in the footsteps of my father or older brother (the latter, an amateur boxer and wrestler in high school who also played football there.) I played softball in school and swam individually, but otherwise concentrated on education and writing, as a newspaper reporter, publications editor, and professional writer. I also majored in American Diplomatic History and taught several History and American Government college courses, after retiring from the Federal Government.
Uncle Jimmy, in my childhood memories and in my heart you will always be one of the best story tellers I've ever known. I still get goose bumps thinking about some of those times. You knew just how to tone your stories and when to put the surprise emphasis on the scary part. All the money in the world couldn't replace those times.
I am not a writer but I always did dream of putting some kind of book together of someone I always admired greatly. He was a strong but gentle man. He always made you feel secure wherever you went. This was partly because of the way he always held your hand. Respect - that should have been his middle name. By now, you know I'm talking about your dad and my grandpa.
Whenever we went for walks, he would always be on the look out for anything on the ground and he would always find something. I still do that to this day. During my whole childhood I always thought his name was “Neighbor”, because that is what everyone called him and naturally, we had to stop and chat for awhile but I never did mind. There was a kind of a peace when we were together.
The walks would include the train station and sometimes, we even got on and I think once we rode downtown and back, the park with the playground, Velvet Freeze, the police station and I couldn't leave out the ‘five and dime’ store.
Once he bought me some Mexican jumping beans, well I thought I died and went to heaven. Naturally, we always got candy (sweet tooth Deans)! I remember how he always put milk on everything like cake or graham crackers. Just think how much money he would have made if he would have come up with that graham cracker cereal! There are so many stories and so little time.
His life was so interesting and so blessed that someone should write a book about him then we can make it into a movie. Since you have the experience, I'm assigning you with this task. Ha! Ha! Don't laugh, I mean it. Think of all of the stories you know and each of us have something we can add, if we put our heads together.Time is running out, we need to get started!
Did I ever tell you of the time I went to Staunton, Illinois. I went to the library and looked up some of his fights. Amazing is the word. What great respect fighters had for the sport, back in those days. Gramps even lost one fight because he refused to continue to beat the guy.
During those days, when I would go to the library, I was delivering furniture for a living and just happened to be in Staunton. I knew that my grandparents and my mother lived there for a time.
On one occasion I, made a delivery and when I got done and was ready to leave, something told me to go back and ask them if they ever heard of Ora Dean. Hold on to your seat! They told me that their house was the Dean's house at one time. It gets better!
They also said that when they were little that they actually saw from their second story window, the robbery that we all heard about with the coal miners payroll and with Ora riding shotgun. What are the odd of that happening? Anyway give it some thought.
In the airport in Orlando, Florida, waiting for a flight: an Asian family was posing for a photograph. The grandmother was standing with three small children as the children's mother was trying to take the photo. The kids were squirming around and the grandma and mom had their hands full trying to keep them still.
At one point, grandma was getting a bit exasperated; as she looked away, her glance fell upon me. I smiled and shook my head, just sort of connecting with her about how hard it is to get little ones to settle down for a photo. She returned the smile and waved a greeting.
When her daughter had snapped the photo, she motioned for me to come over. She embraced me and kissed my cheek, and asked her daughter (in Chinese, I think) to take a photo of the two of us together. We smiled for the camera, arms around each other, embraced once more, and then we were off in separate directions. No words passed between us.
*************************************************
Last week, I taught the second part of a new mediators' training course in London. The cultural and ethnic make-up of the small group of trainees was quite diverse: a British woman of Greek descent, a woman from Belgium, a white British man, a man from Nigeria, 3 women from
various parts of West Africa, and a white British woman.
They were also diverse in terms of educational background, economic status, and age. But, they formed a bond and became very close. When one of the participants (a white British man) left before the last day, others felt quite sad that he had gone.
One of the women in the group was very quiet throughout the two week course. She always looked interested in what was being shared, but didn’t offer much herself. After the first week of the training, I left to come back to the States for a week's break, between the two parts of the course. As I was saying my farewells to the group, she asked me to greet my family for her and for others on the course, and to thank them for allowing me to be away so that I could be with the training group.
On the final day of the course, she embraced me several times and told me how much she would miss me. I told her that I could tell she had a place in her heart for the work and that I thought she would become a good mediator. She told me she would hold on to my words as
encouragement.
*************************************************
Several months ago, I sat beside a man and his daughter on an airplane, flying from London to St. Louis. The man worked at a university in St. Louis. He had come to the USA from Nigeria. It's a long flight, and we talked quite a bit. After a while, the subject of racism in America came up. He told me that his father, who still lives in Africa, had always told him that when he became discouraged about the way he might be treated by people who are racist, he should remember, also, the many kind people in the world, and all those who had helpe him to "come up." He said it was his goal to pass this message on to his own children.
In a similar vein, I recently rode in a taxi driven by a 61 year old man from Jamaica. He told me about how much he owes to his mother. He said she always told him the most important thing in life is the way you treat other people. She had told him you may be the smartest man or the richest man in the world, but it wouldn't mean a thing unless you treated others with respect. He told me about how often the black person is still not treated with dignity, still held back. But, he said, he knows who he is, and because of the way his mother raised him, he has maintained his own dignity, his own self respect.
*************************************************
I was in a pizza hut with a friend not long ago. A bunch of guys from Pakistan were working there. The fellow who seated us was, I thought, especially polite and friendly. During our meal, one of the servers dropped a plate as he was clearing the table behind me. It shattered and some of the splinters were thrown over by our table.
Immediately, the server who had dropped the plate came over to see if I was OK. Then our server came, and quickly after that, the manager. All were very concerned to see if I had been harmed in any way. They quickly cleared the broken pieces from the floor by my feet. One even checked the bottoms of my shoes to be sure no little shards had been caught there! And, no, I don't think they were worried about being sued. It was just
kindness.
*************************************************
Last year, when I was in London, I bought a water color painting from a white woman with a stall at an open air market. Her tables were arranged under a vinyl canopy. During our transaction, a pigeon perched at the edge of her canopy and pooped on my shoulder. She reached for a tissue, leaned over her table, and cleaned off the spot, smiling as she did and telling me the British say it's good luck for a pigeon to poop on you! Last weekend, I visited the same open air market, and came across the same woman. At her table was a painting I had debated about buying the year before but had chosen not to. And here it was!
I introduced myself to her, reminding her of how we'd met the previous year over the pigeon incident. We both had a good laugh. I bought her painting, which she signed with a warm inscription, and we wished each other well, until next time.
(From my uncle Jim)
I read your column on where the South starts with interest. I grew up in the border State of Missouri, which, in the Civil War or "War for Independence", was subject to lots of contradictions on the issue. During the 1860s, for example, the State Legislature voted to stay with the Union, but the Governor took the State Seal, which would have been affixed to any legislation passed, and left for Texas without signing anything!
In the period just before and after World War II, I became aware that the St. Louis area had several varying patterns of speech. I lived in suburban Kirkwood (just 15 miles west of Downtown), and noted how my speech differed from that of youngsters 50 miles north, in St. Louis County (adjoining the City of St. Louis).
And how the talk of those kids differed from mine, or from words used by boys, just 30 miles southeast of St. Louis City. For instance, in Kirkwood, we referred to other boys our age as "you guys," while those to the north said "youse guys." In south St. Louis City and those environs, boys referred to others as "youseall guys." (I am not kidding!)
Parenthetically, I noted that young waiters and waitresses in Ocala today refer to both male and female patrons universally as "you guys” without regard to gender. When I moved, later in life, to Northern Virginia with my wife and children, we picked up the habit of referring to others as "you all."
The son of an acquaintance originally from Southern Virginia said those of us residing in Northern Virginia adjoining the District of Columbia were not truly southerners who properly pronounced the words "y'all."
As a family, we were properly put in our place on a visit to a small museum in the Florida Panhandle several years before we moved to Marion County. Two guards at the museum, after listening to us talk, whispered together and then asked suspicially if we were "Northerners”.
Guessing we might be subject to some prejudice or ostracizing action, I temporized by saying we were from Virginia. One of the guards replied that he thought we were all right, having feared we were "Yankees from South Florida."
(By James Dean) You want my opinion of “Huckleberry Finn?” That takes a long explanation. Just prior to World War II, My dad read Huck’s story to me nightly, three times in a row, when I was just four years old! Growing up in Kirkwood, Missouri, just before WWII, I became a life-long Mark Twain fan.
My father was a policeman, fingerprint expert and former boxer. He had only a fifth grade education himself. But he set me on course to become a professional writer and editor in newspaper writing, public relations, and editing Government publications. (When I started school, dad had me read to him, saying his eyes were weak, his way of encouraging my lifelong reading habit.)
Growing up in suburban St. Louis, I got to know people of character and those who were just “characters.” I volunteered, for example, to help the janitor at my Catholic Grade School move furniture after class. That 50-something janitor told me of his youthful adventures, real or partly imagined, moving log rafts on the Mississippi. Remind you of anyone?
Both Huck and Tom Sawyer were among my youthful companions growing up. And I passed on my dad’s example of storytelling to nieces and nephews, and then to my two sons, one of whom followed in my footsteps as a technical writer. (Both sons are well-educated professionals, who also love stories and their own forms of adventures, traveling “at home and abroad.”)
Experts say “Huckleberry Finn” is the great American novel. People should also read “Puddin’ Head Wilson” and other Samuel Clemens (Twain) stories. Twain’s cousin Cyril Clemens lived in my hometown and was a minor writer in his own right, having interviewed Benito Mussolini prior to WWII. I was aware of this, though never talked to him, when I sat behind him at early mass.
Later, at the University of Missouri, where I majored in History and took writing and literature courses; one of my favorite teachers was John Neihardt who wrote about the plains Indians. Mark Twain, in his own right, wrote about an early America where he seriously satirized the racial divide. My own view is that he helped to set the stage, conformed in my own experience, for a fully integrated society.
(From my uncle, James Dean)
As 1776 was drawing to a close, Elkanah Watson, a young man in Massachusetts, expressed what many Americans feared about their war for independence. "We looked upon the contest as near its close," he wrote, "and considered ourselves a vanquished people." There was good reason for pessimism.
The British had driven Gen. George Washington and his men out of New York and across New Jersey. In early December, with the British on their heels, the Americans had commandeered every boat they could find to escape across the Delaware River into Pennsylvania. They were starving, sick and cold.
The artist Charles Willson Peale, watching the landing from the Pennsylvania shore, described a soldier dressed "in an old dirty blanket jacket, his beard long and his face so full of sores that he could not clean it." So disfigured was the man, Peale wrote, that at first he did not recognize him as his brother, James.
In these desperate circumstances, George Washington made a stunning decision - to go back across the Delaware and launch a surprise attack on the Hessian mercenaries occupying Trenton. On Christmas night, he led 2,400 men, many of them with their feet wrapped in rags because they had no shoes, to a crossing point nine miles upstream from Trenton. As freezing temperatures turned rain to sleet and snow, they began to cross the river.
The task was harder than any of them had imagined. Men had to break through ice to get into the boats and then fend off chunks of floating ice once they were in the river. Getting cannons across - each weighed nearly a ton - was especially difficult. Downstream, two other groups that Washington had ordered to cross the Delaware failed in their mission.
But Washington and his men persevered, until finally, 4 o’clock in the morning, they were across and ready to march to Trenton. They had planned to approach Trenton before dawn, but the difficulty of the crossing had delayed them, and it was daylight, when they encountered the first Hessians. Still, the surprise worked, and in two hours, with few losses of their own, they captured nearly 900 of the enemy. "This is a glorious day for our country”, Washington declared.
His men were exhausted after the battle, and many of them, their enlistments expired, decided to go home. But many others stayed with Washington as he decided to keep fighting. When he learned that thousands of British and Hessian troops were heading toward Trenton from Princeton, a pretty college town to the north, he deployed his troops along the south side of Assunpink Creek.
He also sent a force to the north side of the creek to slow down the advancing enemy. Near evening, on Jan. 2, 1777, when these delaying forces had done all they could, they ran for a narrow bridge that crossed the creek - and saw Washington waiting there for them. "I pressed against the shoulder of the general's horse and in contact with the boot of the general”, a private remembered years later. "The horse stood as firm as the rider."
Gen. Charles Cornwallis, the British commander, decided he could wait to attack the Americans. "We've got the old fox safe now”, he is supposed to have said of Washington. "We'll go over and bag him in the morning." But Washington had other plans. He knew that Cornwallis had brought most of his troops with him, which meant that there would be far fewer of the enemy at Princeton. That night, with men and officers enjoined to silence and cannon wheels muffled with rags, Washington led the main body of his army on a march around Cornwallis's troops toward Princeton. It was dawn before Cornwallis realized they were gone.
The first encounter of the two armies, on farmland outside Princeton, did not go well for the Americans. Many were killed, and the dazed survivors retreated, but Washington rallied his troops with the bravery for which he was becoming legendary and led them to within 30 yards of the British line. Once the two sides started firing, it seemed impossible that he would survive, but when the smoke cleared, there he was, straight and tall astride his white horse. With a great shout, the Americans began to advance. The British fell back and then ran. "Bring up the troops," Washington called to an aide. "The day is our own”.
Twice in 10 days, Washington and his ragtag army had defeated the greatest military power in the world, and their victories lifted the spirits of patriots everywhere. True, the years ahead would be hard - Christmas 1777 would find Washington and his men at Valley Forge. But because of the 10-day campaign that began on Christmas 1776, Americans could now think of winning their war for independence. They could imagine that their great struggle would have a glorious end.
(From my brother, Steve)
I am going to share a story with you because it really touched my soul. Now I am sharing this story with you not to brag or try and make myself look good but I want to share how I learned a great lesson yesterday and today.
I was out yesterday in a crowd and it was very loud. I was in downtown St Joseph for the dedication of the new painting on the building. They were about to cut the ribbon and there were about 50 or so people there all talking. I got a phone call from a friend and I could not hear her very well. I wanted to tell her I would have to call her later after the event but, instead, I felt the need to go to the far side of the parking lot so I could hear her.
She is a friend of mine and she said she needed help.
I will not tell you in this story who she is but I know the person very well. I know she has been having a hard time. She asked me if she could borrow money to pay her electric bill because they were going to shut off the power in the morning if it was not paid. I hesitated but I heard a voice within me say, “YOU CAN DO IT, SO DO IT”. She said she would pay me back in two days. My first credit card did not have enough money on it so she called back and I gave her another card and this time it went through.
I joined the crowd and had a nice time looking at the painting which was on the side of about 5 buildings and about 5 stories up in places. It was just beautiful and I was able to talk to the artist and others around town. I got in my car and a voice told me to call my friend back and tell her to forget trying to pay me back. I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT AND I AGAIN HESITATED MAKING THE CALL, BUT I DID. I called her back and, after some talking, I convinced her that I heard a voice in me that said I had to do this. She argued with me and I just said, SURE TAKE AWAY MY BLESSING AND LAUGHED.
I went to church last night and the main message was about, ‘WE MUST HAVE A SPIRIT OF OBEDIENCE, SACRAFICE AND GOOD WORKS IS IMPORTANT BUT OBEDIENCE IS MORE IMPORTANT’. When Jesus was in the garden, he did not want to go thru the pain and suffering but he wanted to obey His Father’s Will.
None of this hit me last night, even though the whole hour was about obeying God’s will and being obedient. However today, this is what happens and this is the real meat of my story. I saw my friend and she thanked me and she told what happened in her life. She called many of her family and friends and no one could help her so she sat and prayed to God how she would be able to take care of the bill. She said, she heard a voice and it said to call Steve, so she called me. After she paid the bill, she started crying because she felt that she would not be able to pay me back in just a few days, because of other bills she had to pay.
That is when Jesus said to her,, “BE STILL AND LET ME WORK TO TAKE CARE OF THIS PROBLEM TOO”. She said she heard this voice just as clear as it could be, two times, and then she heard the phone ring. She was crying and did not want to answer the phone but when she saw it was me, she answered the phone. I just did what a voice in me ordered me to do and I had to obey. She did not want to take it but I again told her she had to do it because God want me to do this.
When I saw her today, she thanked me and thanked me and then told me the story. That is when she told me this: “STEVE, NOW I UNDERSTAND YOU WERE JUST BEING OBEDIENT TO GOD”. That is when it really hit me that is what the message was all about yesterday. I am blessed to be a part of this and I wanted to share this with you all. If you feel it is God’s Will to be obedient to Him, just do it. I have not always listened to His Voice but this was a great lesson and I thank God for teaching me to obey Him.
GOD LOVE YOU ALL
(From my brother, Steve, about my grandpa, Ora Dean)
Ora Dean has done a great job with young boxers since he has handled several youths who became top-notch amateurs. For the tournament which concludes tonight (4/14/47) he started with 116 amateurs representing three schools. Several Golden Gloves champions will appear in the 16 bouts tonight. Dean has done fine work in the field of physical fitness.
Perhaps the best fighter Dean ever developed was Donald Dean (Ora's son). Don is fighting Adolf Hitler's gang in Europe now and will have been carrying on overseas for two years, next June 9th.
My grandfather told me and wrote a story about his bouts with Jack Dempsey (there is one thing my grandfather did not know at the time he fought Jack Dempsey). Ora's boss set up the 2nd fight on the premise that it would only be for fun. Jack knew it was for fun but Ora did not know about the deal with Kearns (Dempsey’s manager).
When the fight was going on, Jack let his guard down one time and my grandfather gave Jack a hard right uppercut. The blow flung Jack up on the ropes and it caught him off guard. Jack came after Ora at that point and hit my grandfather so hard his whole body came off the ground. Ora was knocked out and was as limp as a wet noodle.
Kearns’s said Jack was a real animal and never show any human traits when he fought but he said that night, Jack was a real sweetheart. He told his manager that he hit Ora so hard in the first fight, he shook Dean's whole family tree. Ora was out but Jack put his hands under the armpits of his opponent and held him up so he would not look like he was knocked out. You see Jack did not want Ora to look bad in front of his fellow employees and friends. For many years after that bout, Jack Dempsey called my Grandpa on Christmas Eve just to say hello and Merry Christmas.
Ora Dean protected everybody in Kirkwood, Missouri, - women, children, red, black or white, poor or rich. He was known for his work with the black neighbors in Kirkwood and had run ins with some of the residents for his work but never to his face. Ora Dean was a strong, kind, decent, fair and a religious man. He worked for the betterment of the community and the whole town called Ora ‘GOOD NEIGHBOR’.
Some years ago, I attended a bachelor party at a downtown St Louis bar. When I was in the bar a man who was in his late 50's approached me with a question. He said, “Man you look a lot like someone I used to know”. He then asked if I lived in Kirkwood, Missouri. I told him ‘no’, but I have a grandfather that used to live there. He asked me if my grandfather was ORA DEAN. He went on to say that I looked so much like him. The man went on to say that Ora taught him to box and he ended up boxing in the Golden Gloves, and, that my grandfather's picture is on the wall there, as a Lifetime Member of the Golden Gloves organization. I have never been able to confirm that story or not. I do know he was very involved in the Golden Gloves organization.
I have been looking up information on Ora Dean and found out that he worked as machinist, a truck driver, a Security Guard / Policeman in Staunton Illinois and then moved to Kirkwood, Missouri to become a Police Officer. His badge number was number two for the Kirkwood Police Department and there was no one who had badge number one. There are many stories of Ora Dean working as Policeman in Kirkwood and you can look up those stories at the Kirkwood Historical Society.
These stories are bits and pieces put together about family life at the Dean’s house. My aunt Dorothy Dean and her brother, my uncle James told these to me, Steve Holdenried.
Peace
Ora Dean and his wife never raised their voice in anger toward each other. There was never any name-calling, swearing, finger pointing or blaming. Can this really be the truth? I mean come on - this cannot be really true, you think? (my Mom & her siblings) Leora, Lina, Dorothy, Donald and James have all stood by this way of life in their home. This may not be the norm; was it bad that emotions were held back? I mean everybody gets mad and lets off a little steam.
I have close relatives, who have said this is just not healthy and it was very bad to be raised in this type of home life. I know of a psychiatrist who I spoke with, who said, “Not letting go of your emotions like this between a mate and his or her spouse would lead to suppressed anxieties”. I have thought about this off and on for years, and, knowing my grandma and my grandpa as much as I did, and really knowing what they stood for, proved to me that one’s love of God, love and respect for others governed their life. Yes, in today’s world, and in the past, this kind of marriage or relationship was not the normal type. This marriage was one of beauty, love, respect, and full of God’s love and His grace. My mother told me that she never heard her parents even one time yell at each other. I just wanted to touch on this aspect of their life together because that may be the most impressive of all their examples to follow.
HOBOS
The house on Taylor Ave. was only three houses and a street intersection away from the railroad tracks. During the depression, there was an event that happened quite often at this address. Many visitors dressed in old, rather large thread-bare suits would come up to the door and ask Mary Dean, my grandmother, if there was any work they could do, to earn a bit to eat. No, they were not asking for a hand out, they wanted work. Ora was sure to remind the kids and his neighbors that these men were not BUMS, they were HOBOS. These men went from city to city looking for work and using the rail cars as their means of travel. Now, although I had not heard much about this circumstance taking place at the Dean’s household, it did not really surprise me, but what Aunt Dorothy told me Ora and Mary did in addition to this really blew me away.
Aunt Dorothy told me that it was not unusual to wake up early on a cold, or rainy night, and hear the sounds of men of all ages coughing, sneezing, whispering so very soft but trying to settle down to a good nights sleep. If she would get up early and go down the steps, she would wake up one of her other sisters because she did not want to walk through the front room with all the hobos sleeping there. It did not bother her that much, she just wanted company.
Most of the time, these men would all get up and get out of the door before the kids would wake up. Grandma would give them all a bit to eat, let them wash up and send them on their way. The night before Grandpa would bring them home, if he found them out in the bad weather. Grandpa, who worked the night shift for the Kirkwood police department, was there in the morning to wake them up and send them on their way.
It was well known at that time, that hobos marked a home, if it was a good place to get something to eat for doing a little chore, or, a place not to go where you would get in trouble. Most of the hobos did wear suits that were too big on them. The suit probably may have fit them when they started running the tracks, but without a lot to eat, they, almost all, lost a lot of weight. These men, who rode the trains, were usually former office workers or executives that lost their jobs during the depression, they were like Ora said, “NOT BUMS”.
“DO NOT FORGET TO ENTERTAIN STRANGERS, FOR BY SO DOING SOME PEOPLE HAVE ENTERTAINED ANGELS WITH OUT KNOWING IT.” (Bible passage)
Stories passed down
When Dorothy would go to school or go into town and talk with her friends, she would sometimes find out about brave actions or problems that her dad faced in the town. Ora never wanted his children to worry about him so he did not talk about the danger, only the good things that would happen.The family would make Sunday, a family day, after Mass of course. In the summer, all the kids would walk with their dad to Fenton to swim in the Mermac River. This was the only day that grandpa had off and the only day grandma could get a rest.
Ora Dean was known for his association with all people, black and white. He was not always liked for the way he treated all races with the same respect. There were a few stories that Aunt Dorothy related to me about Ora’s respect for all people. Ora walked into the station one night and found that there were about five young black boys in jail for being out too late. Ora asked the dispatcher if the boys’ parents were called to inform them about their boys being locked up. When he was told that this was not done, he demanded that the boys be let out. When nothing was done, Ora just went back to the cells and took the keys. He walked over to the cells and opened them up. The whole time, a sergeant who was over Mr. Dean was telling Dean he could not do that and he would be in a lot of trouble. The sergeant was even madder when Ora drove the kids home. They, a few officers, did try to place an action on Ora, but the town council backed up his actions. My Aunt Dorothy told me that her father was reputed to be the Godfather of about four black children. He treated everyone with respect regardless of race or religion.
Hat Tipping
Uncle Jim told me a story in May of 2001, that I never had heard before. Herb Whitehouse, who was married to Betty Dean, one of Ora’s daughters, was taken back by the fact that most of the black men took their hat off when they saw him, Ora, coming down the street. Herb thought it was because he was wounded and received two purple hearts for his duty in WWII. Herb was confused because none of the white men in the town even knew that he was hurt twice in the war. Herb was taken down a notch when he found out that the black men in town did not know anything about his exploits in the service. It was only the black men’s respect for Ora Dean as their good neighbor that brought about the hat tipping.
High School
This is a story that Aunt Dorothy told me that she did not remember a whole lot about. She could only remember that grandpa did what he could do for his neighbors, black or white. The blacks in town went to a one-room schoolhouse. If a black child wanted to go to high school, he or she would have to go into the city of St. Louis, Mo., or, at least another town. To do this, the city would have to agree to pay for the transportation (carfare on the street cars or busses) and this would have to be brought up at the city council. Grandpa was a spokesman for anybody who sought out his help in this manner. He would present the need and ask that the city pay for the cost of this action. I am sure that there must have been a law that the city had to follow to adhere to this practice.
A look Out Of The Window
Once, when James Dean was a small boy, about four years of age, he remembers an incident that took place just a few doors south of his home. The neighbor woman rushed out and picked up her son and Jim, then brought them both back in the house. Jim remembers looking out of the window and clearly saw his dad in his police uniform. This is the earliest recollection that Jim has of his father in a uniform. James saw his dad pull up in his black and white Ford police car and slowly get out. He also remembers Ora’s partner getting out of the car. Now, Ora was a good six foot two inches and his partner had a good four inches on grandpa. They both walked toward the two black men, who were up until a few moments before yelling and fighting each other. Ora had his hand out as he approached one of the men. The man had a gun and Jim can still see that gun as clear as if it were yesterday.
The man just put the gun in Ora’s hand and they, all four talked for a good while. When the talking was over they all shook hands and went back about their business.
Hand it Over
There was another incident that took place in town some years later. In this case, Jim said he had heard that two black men were yelling about the amount one of them was charged for service being done to his auto. The owner of the shop pulled out a gun. The customer went home and now, he showed up with a gun. Both black men were ready to have a shoot out, when along came the tall cop team. Again, James was told that his dad just put out his hand and both guns were in his possession. This time however, James was old enough to ask questions about the incidents. He asked his dad if he arrested the men for the fights and for carrying a gun. Ora said, “no, I could not do that in either case, because these men would really get into a lot of trouble.” Ora went on to say that he knew both of these men and he knew it would never happen again because they promised him not to do this kind of a thing again. I really get the feeling that when you promised these two cops that you are going to be good from now on, you just did it. BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, WHAT YOU GONNA DO? BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS. Ora Dean had the nickname for a while of The Peacemaker.
Free Movies
James Dean also recalls, that there was a robbery at the show in town one time, which was foiled by his dad. It seems that his Dad came home one night with a hole in his hat and in his coat, because of the shoot-out at the movie house. Ora had always said that he would never shoot his gun, unless he was shot at first. On this occasion, Ora shot past the robber first and when that did not work, he shot the man in the leg. James said, the Dean family could get into the movie house for free anytime.
Serious Fisherman
Grandpa, Uncle Don and my mom and dad, Ray and Leora, were coming back to Kirkwood from a day in St. Louis. During the ride back home, in which my dad was driving, everybody was just talking or listening to the radio. ‘WACK, WACK, DAMN THIS AND DAMN THAT AND WHAT THE HELL THIS AND WHAT THE HELL THAT’ is what my dad is supposed to have blurted out without any known reason. “Oh shit!” he yelled and, “well, there goes the damn weekend.” Grandpa and Don were really taken back by Ray’s outburst. Things got a lot quieter after the incident.
When the car pulled up in front of the house, Ora said to his daughter, “Leora, please come here I want to show you something”. With Ray staying in the car, Ora was worried of course about Ray’s outburst of anger. What even caught him off guard was the fact that his daughter did not even seem to notice what shocked him and his son Don.
Leora just laughed and smiled and said “didn’t you hear that weather report on the radio, dad?” It is going to rain all weekend, and Ray and his brothers will not be able to go fishing. They have been planning this for a few months. “Dad”, she said, “Ray takes his fishing real serious”.
(From my brother, Steve, to his kids)
We met the day your mom was moving out of an apartment she rented with a girlfriend of hers. It was a Sunday afternoon and I was leaving my apartment just across a walkway. Regina was leaving her former apartment with a few things she left during the day of moving-out the day before. As I was locking up my apartment, which was nothing but a studio apartment like the one she was living in, I first saw your mom.
We just said hello and her girlfriend also said hi. It was the first time we all really met because I kept weird hours. I went to school in the evening at Mermec Community College and then started my shift there as a security guard on the midnight shift. So that meant I slept during the day.Your mom and her girlfriend just saw me coming and going and thought I was a cop.
Regina did not have a car so her girlfriend was going to take her to mom and dad’s house on Sunshine. She asked me if I was going to go that way, so she could get a ride with me and her girlfriend did not have to drive her. I decided to take her home and that was our first moment together. I drove this old green 1959 Chevy with large fins and lots of chrome. It was a dog but it was all I could afford.
During our ride home, we talked about the war, drugs, being on our own, my job etc. I did mention to her I was going on a date with a girl named Betty who I used to date for a few weeks when I was home on leave, some 2 years ago. I just started dating her again after I got home and she broke her engagement with a guy to go out with me. This night was special because it was Betty’s 21st birthday. I was taking her out to a nice restaurant and dancing. Betty thought I was going to pop the question that night but getting married was not really on my mind.
When we talked, your mom asked me if I ever needed a date, I could call her up. She put her phone number on a match cover and I put it on the dash. I never thought I would need the match cover again. I thought she was nice and she was cute but I thought she was too young. However, if I needed a date sometime, I left the match cover on the dash with a lot of other stuff.
I did not know this, but when your mom got to your grandpa’s house, she called her friend and told her she met the man she was going to marry. Mom said she fell in love with me right away. Yea right! I always let her say that but you have to know what she did next.
A few weeks went by and I moved away to an apartment in Richmond Heights. I pass it by, all the time, when I go to grandma’s house. It is in view when I get ready to go over Manchester road and Belleview. I think about mom now whenever I go that way. Hell, that is only one of the many things that remind me of your mom. I called the number a few weeks later or maybe a month or so and tried to get a date with your mom. Hell, I forgot to tell you I broke up with Betty the night I met your mom. I tried to get a little bit more then Betty wanted to give that night and well I just was an ass. Damm, when I think about this, it still make me think she still has my record collection.
Mom (Gina she liked to be called) was out of town. She went to Dallas to marry a guy she had been writing for over a year, who was in Vietnam. She just took off to meet the parents of this guy. I left out he came to St. Louis to introduce himself first. Now, remember the line I told you about just up a few inches up, yes, she was in love with me from the very first look! It is a good line anyway and she did call her friend so I guess it has some truth to it.
A few weeks later, I paid a good 20 dollars to go to a dance at a fancy restaurant in St. Charles, Missouri. The dance was put on by a union of my friend mine, John Ruzicka, who was going out a girl who lived in mom’s neighborhood. The girl I asked, dumped me at the very last minute, well, 2 days because I did the same thing to her a couple of weeks earlier. I guess what comes around goes around. I needed a date quick and heck, I did not know a lot of women anymore. Most of the gals I dated now were married or in college. I called mom’s number out of sheer desperation. I could not loose 20 bucks and a good time.
Well, your mom was back from Dallas and not married. I picked her up two days before the dance and we went to Ted Drews and just for a ride. I guess you can say that was our first date. We really hit it off right away and even though it was about 3 in the afternoon, we kissed by a large tree in Carondelet Park. Hey, it was only a peck - just a little ’hit and miss’ kiss.
For some reason Ruzicka picked up Regina and brought her to my sister’s (Carole) house in dog town. I had my car there and that is where they all showed up. We went to the dance and had a ball; a great time and I really liked your mom a lot from that night on. She went back to my apartment that night to see what I recall saying “Come Up To See My Etchings”. It was a stupid line and one that I said with my tongue in check.
I do remember one thing that happen that night that almost make me stop taking out your mom right away. She was using my phone and I had to go to the bathroom. She called her friend and they talked about the night at the dance. The walls were so thin in that place, I could hear what she was saying, while I was on the throne. Heck, I put my newspapers down and listened in. WHAT WAS THIS SHE SAID? NO WAY, I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT SHE JUST TOLD HER GIRLFRIEND!!! She told her girlfriend “This is definitely the guy I am going to marry”. She went on to say, I really love this guy and he does not know it yet but we are going to get married!!!
I came out of the bathroom, after my paperwork was done, and told her I heard what she said. She just looked at me and said, “Well, it is true, I love you and we will get married”. I FROZE, and looked blinded like a dear just before he gets hit, (been there and done that now).
I was not sure what to think from that point on. I really liked her but the marriage thing and how she just stated it scarred me. I was not ready for a wife and everything that goes with it. She really put a rope on me and led me away. I did love her from that day on but love has responsibilities. I was not ready but I did not want to stay away from her. I was crazy about her then and I still love her so very much!
It was not long after Gina was home that Mom realized, that the medication she was on, was just making her a zombie. She was on some really hard stuff to keep her from having seizures.We even had to make sure she did not cry too hard and the bed, crib, and the playpen had to have soft sides, so Gina would not fall and bump her head. We spoiled her and so did her siblings because we all knew we could not let her cry. When she was about six months old, Regina just took Gina off the medication. Mom just figured that Gina was not reaching levels of activity that she should be reaching. Now, she did not tell me or the doctors or anybody ordered this - she just felt it was the right thing to do.
Gina was part of a study that looked at her progress in the months after her sickness. They would study her and look at the way she played and interacted with the people and other children at the hospital. About 3 months after Reggie took her off the medication, you could see the great strides she was making and the hospital even commented on her ability to play and do things at her level and above. One time she put a doll on a potty chair and waited then she lifted the doll up and patted the doll on the butt and put her down on the toy potty again. Mom did not feel this was so great but the doctor just went wild on how smart Gina was at the age of about 11 months. The only problem we know that was caused by the disease was a loss in hearing on very high notes, that and the fact, that she was and is a spoiled brat.
Do you guys remember the birthday party for Renee, where she almost died. Renee must have been four years old when she got a blue cookie monster birthday cake. Renee just loved the cookie monster but she just stuffed the cake in her mouth and pretended to be the cookie monster. She was so good at stuffing her mouth, she could not breathe. Now, just after having all these things happen to Gina, Renee takes her turn at scaring Mom. She passed out and blood came out of her ears and her nose. Mom gave her the Heimlich procedure and saved Renee from certain death. Mom was a real champion for you kids in many ways and she loved you so very much.
Memories of Mom #3
Today is the 24th of November2005, and it is Thanksgiving Day. I did not really want to go out today for a couple of reasons. I knew if I was around a lot of good food, I would break my diet and eat like a horse. I also have been planning on doing a chapter in ‘Memories of MOM’. I have had a lot of roller coaster thoughts of mom the last few years. I really miss her a lot and I miss the great friendship we had together. I depended on her much more than I realized in the months and years after her passing. I took care of her so much the last year or so of her life but she gave me so much more in return.
I became busy helping out Chris at school, as she wanted me to, but I also worked in other areas as well. I wanted to be busy so I would not be so lonely with her gone. I thought for a time that with time, I would find someone to share my life with but I do not think that this will ever happen. I live in the memory and fun we shared in life and nobody can come close to replacing your mom. I worried about this a lot but I came to peace with this decision and accept my life now. I felt for a long time that, to be at peace with my life, I had to move on and find another person to take her place. I know that men do this and men struggle to find happiness by replacing one person with another. Well, that is what I learned when I was in grief counseling. I am happy that I was able to experience the love of a great love and for that I am grateful.
We had our differences and problems that took time and understanding to overcome but the love that started the fire in our hearts was always there. Today, I was looking through mom’s notebook she kept at the hospital. She kept records of the different procedures and effects they caused. She took notes of the blood counts and other important changes and medications she was taking. She made notes to address problems with the insurance companies and the bills we faced and how we could deal with them. I never saw any thing that even remotely looked like she was giving up. She was always fighting and looking towards the future.
On August 15th, 2001, Mom wrote in her notes that a doctor told her it might take a year for her to feel like “quote unquote” a 52 year old woman. She went on to say that she will have to learn to live with the fatigue, weight gain, fibermialga but she would take the lumps and just move on.
On August the 22nd, she stated how she was working on her upper body strength. This thought was on her mind on this day and it was the only entry she made from the 15th to the 22nd. She spent the last week in I C U., fighting for her life and it was really a miracle she was still alive. She wrote that she was having pain and blood leakage still into her body cavity and how the tube hurt going into her chest. She also marks down her platelet count and how she wants to be cleaned up and a new bandage around the central line going into her body.
The real story is what, happened on the 15th of August. This was a day I left the hospital to spend a night home and catch up on mail, pay some bills and email mom’s friends about her condition. I received a call very late on the night of the 15th. A nurse told me that mom might not make it through the night. I took off to be at her side and prayed I would make it in time.
Mom’s lungs began to hemorrhage, so much that the blood in her body cavity caused her lungs and her heart to stop performing because they did not have the room to operate. The doctors rushed in and told her they needed to place a tube into her chest and suction out the blood around the outside of her lung and her heart. She could hardly breath and her voice was not much more then a whisper but she stopped them cold. She did not want them to put the tube in her chest until they all prayed with her. She reached out to a nurse near her and began to say the Our Father and all the doctors and nurses said the prayer together. When they finished saying the prayer, she was not even audible. The doctor told me later that she was only seconds away from death and she stopped us to say the prayer. He could not believe mom did this but he had to follow her wishes.
The doctor did not have time to apply pain medication and he simply shoved the sharp and hard tube into mom’s chest. The procedure worked and the blood started to be suctioned out. She was then transferred from this step up room to the I C U for the next week. A few days later, Mom told me the story about her making the doctors pray and she also told me something else that floored me. Mom said that when she held onto the hand of the nurse in the room that night, she saw the face of Jesus in the eyes of the nurse. Mom told me she immediately felt an overwhelming sense of peace, love and strength. I asked her to tell me the truth and she said that it was as real as the nose of the woman’s face. I told a lot of my friends and relatives this story right away but I was not sure how to share the story with the nurse or if I even wanted to. I thought the nurse might think I was some kind of nut.
It took a few days to secure the name of the nurse and get a chance to approach her with the story. When I started telling the nurse what mom saw, she had tears flow from her face. She put her hand on my shoulder and told me how thankful she was for meeting mom that night. I told her that no, my wife is thankful for you being there. It was at this time that she told me her story. She said she was working with a patient just a few beds down from where mom’s bed was, when she heard and saw all the commotion. She came into the area and asked if she could help. It was at this time that Mom looked up at her and reached out to hold her hand.
This nurse told me that she saw the face of Jesus in the eyes of mom! She too felt an overwhelming peace, love and strength come over her also. She had been dealing with an ex-husband that was just terrorizing her and her children. She had been praying for God’s help to overcome the problems she was having. She went on to say that everything changed when she saw the face of Jesus in mom’s eyes!
I know you kids heard this story before. It was the basis of the speech that I made at the Mass for Mom at St. Raphael’s the day we buried her. I never would have told that story and made the speech if Chris did not insist that I do so. I thought I would not be able to make the speech for Mom and I really did not do it with out help. The words I spoke that day came off my lips like butter on hot toast. The quotes and stories I used were the work of the Holy Sprit. I have never in my life made a speech like that and I do not think it will ever happen again.
Mom wrote that, on the 25th of August, she was able to go outside for a while. She said the fresh air and just being outside was great. Mom was telling me at this time she felt the presence of somebody in the room with her. She felt it was Jesus but she did not see him. She said she felt a great presence with her at all times. My brother Mark told me that his daughter, Sarah, could see Angels around Mom, when she was in Mom’s room. Mom told me she was not ready to leave this world yet and did not want to make her final peace. She wanted to spend a lot of time together and enjoy the grandchildren.
After all, she was going through her last written thoughts (were not of her self). She was so very special! The next day she was put on the machine she never got off of. There were times, when the medical-induced comma she was placed in, would let up enough that we got a chance to try and communicate with her. On morning of the 7th of August, she last communicated with her dad. He told her that Bottini’s never give up and she smiled. Mom passed away a few hours later and when the doctors and nurses came to tell us of her passing, they were all in tears. Mom was able to touch everyone she came across. She never met someone who walked away a stranger!
This story is from Fred W Baker, Kirkwood, Missouri
I had the good fortune and pleasure of knowing Ora Dean. I came to Kirkwood in 1937 from St. Louis Missouri. I was the Manager of the Kroger Store on the Main street. Ora was a good Cop and well liked and respected by all who knew him. Ora was a customer at my store and when at times he was short of cash, I gave him credit until payday. He never failed to pay. He came in the store one day; he had a new set of dentures and wanted to try them out. I gave him an apple and he bit in to it hard, stopped, felt his jaw and then said “Well they are ready for use”!
One day when he was at the store and not in uniform, I walked him out to his car and we were talking. As he got into his car, a fellow came up and asked him for some money. Ora said “ Hey fellow, I am working this side of the street you take the other side”. I have many wonderful stories of Ora Dean. I look forward to the day when I can put my arms around Ora and say HI, NEIGHBOR, you can be very proud that Ora Dean is your grandfather. My eyesight is not very good now, I am 92 this year, on the 4th of July.
This story comes from Ronald O. Krieger, Kirkwood, MO.
Dear Steve Holdenried,
I read your letter of inquiry in Webster-Kirkwood Times concerning you grandfather, Ora Dean. I remember him very well and it brings back a few memories. My father had a business, the O K Hatchery and your grandfather lived on Taylor around the corner. I recall him as a friendly yet stern gentleman. He came into our store occasionally and I remember waiting on him. I knew from others that he was a model police officer and particularly excelled in communicating with troubled kids. In particular I remember the stories of him being an ex-prize fighter and fighting someone famous. My most vivid recollection, and I hope correct about this , was that, in his front yard, was a huge specimen (20 to 30 foot high holly tree) and he took good care of it. A couple of customers of ours were ardent gardeners and one especially, Spenser Robinson, specialized in growing hollies. He was particularly jealous of your grandfather’s tree. It was a sad day when this tree came down to build the Target Store building.
I hope you are receiving a lot of stories because of your article. Ora Dean was certainly a gentleman to be proud of.
From: Abigail Kreienkamp, Friend of the Dean Family
Dear Steve Holdenried
Yes, I remember your grandfather real well and I can tell you that he was a wonderful man and an excellent policeman. I believe that I went to school at St. Peters with some of his daughters. Sometimes, I can't remember my own name (just kidding) but the name Leora [she was our Mom] seems to come to my mind. I know that he had a rather large family but I believe we topped you grandparents, we had nine daughters and one son.
Here is a story that I remember when I think of your grandfather. Ora Dean would just happen by the streetcar in Kirkwood Loop about 12:30 in the morning. My dad would just be coming home from work from the Rankin Yards of the Missouri Pacific Railroad on Compton Ave in St. Louis. Another man named Laws, who was a telegrapher downtown and another elderly woman who worked at the Chase Park Plaza Hotel (she took care of the lines ) would all be getting off the street car about the same time every night. They normally would have to walk out Ann Ave to Ballas Road each night. Many times it would be bitter cold and all of these folks were pushing 70 years old. Ora would pick them all up and ride them home. It was against the police rules but he was just a kind and very caring man.
There was not transportation after midnight out to Osage Hills (now known as Green Briar). Ora was very well liked by his fellow officers and probably told them to look the other way and for them to give his friends a ride home if he was busy. The only other policemen I can remember who worked with him were the Lewis brothers.
I remember my Dad talking to my mom and telling her about Ora Dean being a great boxer. The whole family was a good example to the community. Do you have any aunts that went to St. Peters School? I am 82 and I have 25 grandkids. I would certainly be proud of them if they were as interested in their roots as you are.
I am no computer whiz but I wish I were. I’d spend a lot of my time traveling but I still live on the same acreage that I was raised on. I hope you receive a lot of information on your grandfather.
Sincerely ,
Abigail Kreienkamp (Lawler)
P S My husband was Fritz Kreienkamp and he is now deceased. He could really have told you a lot about your grandfather. One of your Aunts used to golf a lot but I do not remember her name. (Ruthie)
Jesse C Farrar
Hello Steve Holdenried; I went to work for the City Of Kirkwood in 1952 and I knew Ora Dean. He was a great man. Your grandfather rode in a police car a lot with his partner Ralph Guyer, who now lives in Flordia.
Good Luck, I am now 81 years old. (This letter was sent July 16th 2001.)
(This is my favorite letter.)
Loren S Hewiti (What a story)
Dear Mr. Holdenried
I grew up in the town of Valley Park, Missouri and I knew Ora Dean and knew of his reputation as a fearless police officer. In Valley Park in those days, it was customary when dire emergencies arose such a bad fire or a need for police sometimes people would take it upon themselves to "Call Kirkwood".
On one such night, in one of our local taverns a man, a little bit drunk, suddenly flashed a pistol and ordered everyone against the wall. This was a situation when someone called Kirkwood. Our little town was all abuzz the next day because of what happened next.
Ora Dean showed up and he quickly sized up the situation. He simply walked across the room and jerked the pistol out of the man's hands and hit him with a right hand that sent him to the floor - cold as the old proverbial cucumber. I do not know what happened to the man or the pistol but, in just a few minutes, Ora Dean was on his way back to Kirkwood awaiting his next assignment.
We kids knew of Ora Dean's reputation as a kind and gentle man BUT DO NOT MAKE HIM MAD. I hope this story will add to others of your grandfather; he was a legend!
Sincerely,
Loren S Hewiti
University City, Missouri
PS: My 80 year old hands just do not write too well anymore.
This letter was written on July 10th, 2001; I received another note from Loren in October of 2001 making sure I knew that he was a man and not a woman. He said that happened a lot in the many years of his life. Loren was a Marine and he retired as the Captain of the University City Fire Department.
(From my bother, Steve, about his wife, Regina, to his children)
This story relates to the first time I went to visit Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob on the Hill. Mary and Bob lived in a house on Marconi Street; it was the same house your grandpa grew up in on the Hill. Your mom was invited to visit and stay for supper. Now, this is a custom that many people on the Hill followed for years and may still do. It is about living out of the basement during the summer. Some families liked living out of the basement so much, they usually did their cooking in the basement all year. The homes on the Hill are built so that today, you may call it a split-level home. Yes, it was a basement but during the day a lot of people lived in the basement and just slept upstairs, took baths or had formal guest there etc.
Bob was not very well and had not been out of the house for many years. He was a bartender and now, he was not supposed to drink alcohol. We sat around the kitchen table in the basement and just talked about the family and traditions of the Hill etc. Mary was making an Italian dish called Planttakanelea. It was rabbit and cornmeal with red wine. As it was being cooked, Bob would add some wine when Mary was not around. He would put up his fingers by his mouth and just say it helps the gravy.
On another visit to Aunt Mary’s house (I really felt embarrassed). I was taken back when Aunt Mary looked at me and shouted “ Hey you lika the food Steve”? She was a wonderful cook and a great baker. She worked on the Hill right across the street from Ragazzies for many years. I really like the Hill and Mom and me felt that if and when we ever moved to St. Louis, we would try and find a place on the Hill to live.
Every year on the Hill there was an event called Hill Day. (I do not know if it still goes on or not. ) The first year they held the event, your mom and me went to see the event. We met your grandma and grandpa and went over to Aunt Mary’s house. When we started to walk to Berra Park, John walked to the front of the house and sat down. I asked him if he was going and he said no, it was his turn to watch the front of the houses on the block. I asked him what he meant and he said on days like this when a lot of people come to the hill, one neighbor watches the front of the homes on each block and another one watches the back of the houses. I think this was long before the neighborhood watch began.
Hill Day was started by St. Ambrose Church to help raise money to keep up the neighborhood. If you wanted to buy a home or sell a home on the Hill, you went to the church for help. St. Ambrose was then and still is a very vital part of the whole community. This is the parish for which Renee taught school. I know that Mom really loved the fact that Renee taught school here and the Bottini family was very proud also. When I came to see Renee a few times during school, the children would all rise and welcome me to the classroom. I remember one time coming to bring some punkins to her classroom. I think I also brought some flowers to her class a time or two.
Before we got married,I picked out an apartment for us to live in, not too far from where I lived when we first met. It was on the 3rd floor of an apartment complex in Richmond Heights, Missouri. The price was ok and it was big enough for us and there was a laundromat in the complex. I thought it was great until Reggie’s grandma came over to visit. She came and walked up the 3 flights of steps in silence; however, she was moving her lips. When she got to the top she announced with a loud commanding voice, “47, 47, 47 steps to climb up for my granddaughter, no way, no way can she do this”. I felt that she was right at that point because I never thought about Regina being pregnant. I went down to the manager to see if I could move our apartment to the ground floor but was told I had a year’s lease on the place we were and that was that.
Now at this time, I got to witness the power a grandma has in life. She just said “NO. NO, NO, THAT WILL NOT DO”. She marched down and did her thing with the apartment manager and when she was done, we were able to move to the ground floor apartment right next to the laundry, the next month. We did not have to pay an extra fee or anything. That is called STELLA POWER; Jane’s mom was Stella Byrnes.
The wedding was held at Regina’s parish, St. Raphael. Jane and Joe, over the years, were very active in the parish, as well as Jane’s mom and dad. We did not have the money to have a photographer take pictures for the wedding so we did not have a nice book to look at, over the years. The pictures were almost all slides and some black and white pictures, taken by a student I hired. We borrowed the car of Regina’s Uncle Frank. He had a real nice car and it saved us some money for the ceremony.
My brother Mike was my best man and Cathy, Regina’s cousin, was our bridesmaid. We did not have a big wedding and I just wore my best suit. We needed to save our money for moving and saving up for the baby. We did have a nice reception at a local restaurant. Our aunts and uncles, parents, brothers and sisters were invited to the reception. We did not have a band, room for our friends and dancing. We had a nice dinner and met at Reggie’s mom and dad’s home after the dinner.
I did not spend too much time at this party because Reggie felt I would get drunk like my dad did at his wedding. I do not understand why she felt that way, but I think my mom urged Regina to get me out of the party. My dad did get so drunk that four of his friends had to carry him up the stairs to their flat and put him in bed. My mom tried to wake him up but he slept and slept.
My mom related a story many times that she yelled to my dad, she was going to jump out the 2nd story window on their wedding night. She threatened this over and over until she picked up a large piece of coal (used to fire up a stove in the flat) and threw it out a window and broke the glass. Apparently, my dad did not move or even hear the crash however he did get cold during the night because it was snowing outside and the window was gone.
We left the party and we went to a motel in South County and started our married life. When we got to the motel, the guy in the office told us the hot water was out and we could not take a hot shower but he said it should be working by morning. He went on to say that we could have the room at half price. Well, that sat well with me but not your mom. No, she would not stand for that - she spoke up and said we will take two rooms. I looked at her and thought what in the hell for. Well, you can guess what we did! We got two rooms. Mom said I should not be so dammmmm cheap. We never used the other room unless you count Regina going in the other room just to call me and say hello.
We left the motel and headed to the apartment after we had a nice breakfast. We were only in the car about 5 minutes or so when your mom had morning sickness in the front seat of the car we were driving. She just upchucked it all over and the smell was just the worst I have ever dealt with. I looked up and it must have been a gift from God, I saw a drive thru car wash on the right side of the street. I pulled into the line and we both got out and I talked to the guy in charge. He told me he would take care of I t all for an extra five dollars. They worked and cleaned up the mess and put some smelly stuff all over the disaster site. The car smelled like a rose bush in the ass of a hog. I forgot to mention I barrowed brother Mike’s car for the night because it was a better car then the one I had. Mike told me that the smell never came out of the car, never.
We settled down to a life together in the apartment and I can remember a few funny things that happen the first month or so. The walls in the apartment were so thin you could hear things going on in the other apartments. One night the guy above us had gas and we could hear him fart in the still of the night and then hear him laugh about it. Once when Regina was getting in the bath she put her foot in the water and just shouted out “OH ITS COLD”! A guy in another apartment shouted out “TURN ON THE HOT WATER”.
Your mom worked for the federal government for a while after we got married as an office manager in a labor department division. She was the only person doing the paper work and typing but she had several men in the department. When she missed a lot of time, being sick and tired because of the pregnancy, she quit her job and started to sell Avon in the neighborhood. Your mom never liked to feel she was not bringing in money. She like being home but I know she was just such a intelligent person and had so much to offer, she felt the need to be more that just a housewife.
We were only married six weeks or so, when my dad went back in the hospital. He was back at work after having the heart attack but was now having some pain in his chest. He was in the hospital when his birthday came around and the whole family went to see him and we had a nice party. I left the party that day and never saw him alive again.
After the party, your mom and I went to see Bob and Carole, who lived in North County. We were going out to see a drive-in movie. We stopped to get some supplies for the show and an ice chest to put them in. This is the first date of our first disagreement after being married. I sent your mom into Katz store to get a foam ice chest for 99 cents. She came out and spent three dollars on an ice chest that I told her was such a waste of money. I remember it had a bottom and a white top. I told her that this damm thing cost two dollars more then the foam one and was not worth a damm. I insisted that the @#%+$%#@& thing would not last a @#%$*&^%^$# bit of time. She got right back in my face and stated that*&*^ it would. Well, guess who was right. You see it lasted so long that I forgot it in the trunk of a car the day we drove Steve Jr. to Southwest Missouri University to check out his school. Now, that is only about 20 years, not very long right! Man she was right about a lot of things.
The day after we went to the drive-in, we slept late and for got the clocks were to be set ahead of time because of daylight savings time. We were late going to church and we were getting dressed real fast trying to make it to church to meet up with Regina’s mom and dad when we got the call. My dad was dead.
I am so glad we had a great party with dad the day before. I went in to see my dad at the hospital and he was put back in bed for the family to come and visit before he was taken away. I remember the cold feeling of kissing my dad on the check. It was a cold feeling and I will never forget.
Here is an event that happen when we were preparing for my dad’s funeral. We met with the director and we had to pick out my dad’s casket. I think it was my mom, Pat, Mike, Mark and myself. My mom picked out a nice casket and she felt it was the right price and the right look. It was at this time the guy, who I grew up with said something I will never forget. He stated that “Well, let’s see your dad was a rather big man and I just think that he would be uncomfortable in this casket”. I asked my mom and my family to please leave the room and I would take care of this part of the discussion. After they left the room and were out of hearing my voice, I looked at my friend and wanted to take his head off his shoulders. I told him “Look, my dad is dead, he has no feelings, JUST STUFF HIM IN IT”. I went on to make sure he did not mess with my mom anymore for the service.
We also moved closer to Regina’s mom and dad and into the south part of the city. We moved into a four family flat just to the south of Our Lady Of Sorrows Parish church. It was a great place to live and we would have plenty of room there. We just had to get used to the bells of the church right across the street for our bedroom.
I left my job working as a college policeman because it was night work and it did not pay enough money. I took a job as a salesman for Comfort Printing Company. I worked the division that did printing for automobile dealerships, repair shops and service stations. Just before I started working for the company, GM bought their own printing company and forced its dealerships to deal with them. Comfort used to provide all the work sheets for repairing and selling the cars in the industry. They also provided the pens, key chains, flags, office supplies, etc. for the industry. This was all going to the company now owned by GM. I saw the handwriting on the wall so I started looking for another job.
I did not have the ambition to hit the streets as hard as I did when I first started. I came home early one day just after I started work. I guess it was about 9:30 in the morning and your mom was still in bed. She was talking to her grandma on the phone. I waited for her to get off the phone and I decided to surprise her. I took off all my clothes and walked into the room. Your mom was just waking up and she was not yet fully aware of life around her. SHE DID NOT HAVE HER FIRST CUP OF COFFEE.
She was walking out of the room when I walked into the room. She was looking down at the floor and she first saw bare feet. She raised her head to find bare legs. When she got to my mid section she, not knowing it was me started to scream, very, very loud. She yelled “help” and then I then grabbed her and held her to my chest trying to comfort her. She was beating on my chest when a neighbor lady from the apartment next door came busting in to help her. She knew I was at work and Regina was all-alone, or so she felt. Well, it made for a very interesting morning. I was back on the street pushing my goods in just a few minutes, no fun that day. I went to work for Colonial Bread Company not long after I quit working for Comfort Printing Company.
(I know you heard of this story, but it is such a great one I love to tell it again and again.) I came home from work one day and was greeted by my wife and was told we were going to have Spaghetti and meatballs. Man she could really make a good meal of pasta, so I as really happy. The next night it was the same because she made too much the night before. I was happy because she does make the best. On the 3rd day we had spaghetti and meatballs again and she just stated she did not want to throw it away. Well, I could not argue with that.Then, the 4th day was getting a little much but well what can I say she already had it made. Now on the 5th day is was Friday and I knew we would have fish because we could not eat meat on Fridays back then.
Well we were going to just have spaghetti that Friday night. Well enough is just enough; I just had it up to here and stood my ground. Well, I said, “Honey, I love your spaghetti and meat balls but you know not day after day”. Well here is comes! SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, “YES SEX IS GOOD TOO AND I LIKE IT BUT NOT DAY AFTER DAY AND AFTER DAY”! She did not know how to tell me this so she got this advice from her doctor to tell me that being pregnant made sex not really comfortable now. She just felt she did not want to come out and say it without a bit of help. Now, that is a story that just sticks with you. We switched doctors but not because of that story.
Regina had about 3 false calls for the baby. Each time we felt she was gong to have the baby but it never happened. I even took off work for 2 of the times. Thanksgiving came and we were over at Oscar and Julie’s house. Regina ate a lot and she was just full and tired when we got home that night. I had to go to work early the next morning, your mom felt again that this was the day. Right, I said she was just full of gas. I took her over to her mom and dad’s house and went to work. I got into my bread truck and took off to run my route. When I got to my first stop, the owner of the store ran out and told me to go back to the bakery because my wife was having a baby.
I made it to the hospital in plenty of time. In fact, Angela was not born until the evening on that day. Our own doctor was not with Regina most of the time we were at the hospital that day. Regina had an Asian doctor who did all the poking and prodding. Now, Regina was not that different than most woman in this pain. She was a real bitch, and very angry. She cussed me out a few times and said things like “YO DID THIS TO ME YOU BIG #^#^&$&$&%(*^)(^*$^&$&*%*(^o^(*$%%$, AND SO ON. The Asian doctor was very nice but your mom called her a chink, a slant eyed *&%&$^$%^(&*^, and many other things. She also called her own doctor a few choice words when he got there.
I was in the room when Angela was born and tried to help out and be a part of the delivery. Angie came out with help of a clamp, they had to put on her head so she had a mark on her head. She came out crying and making noise and she had never stopped talking ever since, just like Margaret. I ran to the phone and announced to everybody that Angie was six foot two and 32 pounds. Yes, it should have been 6 pounds and 2 ounces and 32 inches long. I was close.
A little over a month after Angela came into the world she got real sick one night. It was Christmas Eve and we went to the emergency room. We waited and waited to see the doctor on duty. After a long wait, guess who was on duty, yes, the Asian doctor who was with your mom in the room before she had the baby. The first thing she said to us both was ‘ DON’T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE”. “NO. NO , NO “ Regina shouts out “I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE”. Yea right! She did remember mom and when we left, she told us we had to get the medicine filled right away. I told the doctor that is was Christmas Eve and no place was open at 10 at night. She informed me that there was a place open 24 hours and day all year long. It was in the worst place in town you could find. So, at midnight, I was in waiting for medication in a real great place thanks to your mom.
Before I met your mother, she was a person who had a lot of friends and went to a great school. She started out at Du Boug High School and then transferred to St. Elizabeth’s High School. She was the editor of her school newspaper and she got very good grades. She worked a lot after school so I do not think she did a lot of stuff with sport teams. I do know she was proud that in grade school, she was the catcher on a team that won city champs.
I think I am going to stop here and take up future memories from here. I hope you all like it. Living with Regina was never boring and never with out a lot of fun. She cared for people and loved her children and her grandchildren. I hope these memories will bring knowledge about who she was to the grandchildren that she will never know.
(From my brother, Steve, about his deceased wife, Regina, to his children)
I will go into a little bit of what I can remember about Reggie telling me about her life when she was a kid.
Mom was always the kid who was an Ann Landers for the neighborhood. She was the one the kids came to with their problems; she listened and gave her opinion. She grew up with her Grandma and Grandpa in the house and she played one against the other. If her mom and dad did not give her the what she wanted, she went to her grandma and got it.
She was also a spoiled girl with her Aunt Nettie. Her Aunt was older than her Dad and it looked like they would never have any kids. Reggie was like their child and spent a lot of time at their house and got her way with them. I guess that is why Reggie got her way a lot in life because I tried to spoil her too.
I will just tell one story about your mom that I have heard many times. Rick, her brother, overheard your mom talking about something with her friend Loretta. I know it had been serious enough that she did not want her mom and dad to know about it. Rick was going to tell and he ran for his life and Reggie chased him with a large frying pan. He went up the stairs and hid in the locked bathroom for a good hour. Reggie stood right outside the door and did not make any noise.
After an about an hour, Rick looked outside the door. He slowly poked his head out of the doorway. WHAM BANG WARM BANG! Your mom hit him in the head with a large, heavy, black frying pan and he was knocked out. I think Loretta and Reggie felt she might have even killed him. Now Rick had two things he could tell his mom and dad. Reggie said she became Rick’s slave for a long time after that. Any time he needed a ride to the pet store for his snakes or mice, she would have to take him. I do not know how long this went on but he got her back for that event and got her good.
We lived right across from Our Lady Of Sorrows Parish Church. We lived right on Gravois Street in a four family flat. We were the only people living there with kids and the landlord was not too sure if the other families would like us being there. The other residents were all older and not used to the noise.
We would have stayed longer but there were two things that happened that made moving a must. The first was a back up in the sewer and it flooded the basement. Reggie said that it could not have been our fault because we used regular dippers and not the new disposable ones. Well, she did have some but we had a diaper service and we used the disposable ones only when we went out and about. Well, when the sewer backed up the 2nd time and water was everywhere in the basement, the landlord got real mad. He really saw fire when the guy who worked on the sewer found a regular diaper in the sewer trap. We had to pay for the plummer and then promised to move.
We found a place just a block away on Holly Hills street. In fact, it was a great place and had a lot of room. The house was right next door to where your Uncle Tom now lives on Holly Hills Street. The two family flat had a sun porch, 3 bedrooms, a large kitchen, dinning room and a nice size living room. We planned to stay here a long time because it was close for us to see Reggie’s mom and dad and my mom was not that far away as well. I did not have but 2 miles to go to work at Colonial Bread Company and we lived near all our friends.
We used to get our food at a store called Clancy’s. This family had a store on Holly Hills and MacCausland and was a friend of the family. They had a store just a long block away. Reggie used to do the grocery shopping on the phone. She would call up and order the food after looking at the sales flyer in the Neighborhood News Paper. The store would take the order, box it up and take it to the door. One of Tom Clancy’s kids would put the box of groceries on the kitchen table and even put the cold stuff in the icebox. (I know I still use this name for a refrigerator but not as much as I used to back then.)
We used to shop on Wednesdays because that was double stamp day. We saved stamps a lot. We did not have to pay the store until Friday, payday. Yes, back then small stores like Clancy’s, which was an A&P store; it had a store charge for its regular customers. The stamps they used, I think, were gold stamps, not eagle stamps. (You used Famous Barr to get eagle stamps and they gave you double on certain days.)
Mom liked staying home and she could walk to her mom and dad’s house during the day and take Angie along in a stroller. Life was really good living here at this place. However, not for too long! We rented the place from a woman named Mrs. Theodore; she lived just down stairs. She was a widow and was a real nut case. She would come and look around our house when we were not home. The sun porch had these wide and deep awnings, above the windows. You could leave the window open just a bit during the hot days because the sun porch would really get hot. Well, you could leave them open; however, even though the rain would not come into the window, Mrs. Theodore wanted them closed. We would leave them open just a crack and we would find them closed when we came back home. She would sneak up and close the windows.
She did not tell us she was doing it until one day, it just slipped out. Well, one day I left and she thought your mom and Angie went with me. Mom was on the throne and had the door open to hear if Angie was OK. Mom heard a noise and she saw the landlord opening up the back door to the apartment. She started to walk in and look around. Mom got up and walked up to her and pushed her down the steps. The landlord fell back and went down the steps and mom yelled “And stay out you bitch”. Well, the landlord thought she was going to kick us out of the apartment in just three weeks. She tried to but it never happened. Oh, we started looking but we knew she could not put us in the street just like that because we had 30 days from the day of the last rent paid. We had just paid the rent a few days before the incident so we had almost 60 days to find another place to live.
The next two months were hell for the gal downstairs. We walked like we were in a Nazi marching unit day and night. I got up at 5 in the morning to go to work and darn, if I just could not walk softly in the morning. And the doors just seem to only close when you slammed them real hard. The real big pain in her ass that we planned got her really steamed up. My brother Mark was going to go on a weekend trip; Reggie and I took Mark and some of his friends to their weekend fishing trip. When we left we put baby power on the steps of the front hallway. We knew she was coming into the front door when we were gone. The day we got home, we opened the front door and we closed it right away. We rang her bell and ask her to call the police and told her somebody broke into the house.
The police arrived a few moments later and we talked to the officer about a possible brake in. We told him we set a trap and we did not know if someone was still in the house. We then opened the door and we told the cop that we suspected somebody was coming into our apartment when we would be gone. We showed the officer the footprints in the hallway and the how the powder tracked the person who broke in. Well, he went with me and we looked over the place and asked me to report anything missing. I waited until I got back on the porch and your mom and the asshole landlord was present. I then said “Reggie, I am missing a watch and the stack of silver dollars”. I looked right at the landlord and she knew I was lying but she could not say anything. I loved it and she did not come up and look around until the day we left.
We really loved the place that we were renting and because of this fact, we did a lot of nice things to the apartment. We put in a shag rug; it was in style then, in the bathroom. We put fake bricks up in the kitchen and painted the kitchen and the bedroom and the bathroom too. We even put a new floor in the kitchen. I paid for all the new things in the house because we planned on staying there for a long time. We even put new plumbing in the basement so we could put our washer and dryer there. We had grandpa do a lot of the work with the plumbing and also on the new floor in the kitchen. We installed 220 electric so we could put in an air-conditioner. We did this in just a matter of a few months. It was very heart breaking for us to move with all that we did to improve that place which we did not even own. The landlord really did us in.
Well, we looked and looked and we moved to Pacific, Missouri. That was one of the worst things I ever did but we needed to move fast and we wanted to own because of what happened. We moved that far away because we got the house with not a lot of money down. It was a new house but the construction and the distance was just not good.
The prior landlord and your mom and me did not talk - we just passed notes. The day we moved, your mom took pride in doing a few things that I will not forget. Shag carpeting in the bathroom looked great when we moved. You could look at the rug and it looked good, until you had to rake it up. With shag carpeting you had to use a rake, really, you had to rake it up so it would not look matted down. Your mom used a razor knife and cut it all up and then put some white glue in its place so just walking on it would not kick it all up. The first time somebody use a rake on the rug, it would come up like raking leaves. Mom just got a great kick out of that.
In the kitchen, we put plastic bricks behind the stove. Yes, that was in too - back then. The plastic bricks came in sheets and they looked real good. However, mom got out the razor blade knife again and put a slit in almost all the bricks. Well, we figured because the stuff was new, it would look good for a while but after a while, when the heat for the oven would heat up the area behind and around the stove, the bricks would start to show up the slits in the bricks. We tested it by taking an extra sheet and subjecting it to a lot of heat, it would work but not for a while after we were long gone. I know we did some other things but I cannot remember them anymore. However your mom even did some things that would not come to light for a few more months. Man she got the gal back.
We were moved in a good 2 or more months and one day, I had my boss at Colonial Bread call me to his office. He said he had some person on the phone that needed to talk to me about some harassment. It was Mrs. Theodore and she told me to stop the phone calls and stop sending over pizzas, cabs, diaper service, salesmen etc. She said that she was just going out of her mind and may sue us, if it all continues. I got mad as hell and told her that as much as she deserved all the problems that she was having how dare she blame it on my wife. My wife would not call long distance to make so much trouble for her. I went on to say that my wife had better things to do than mess with her.
That call was made on a Saturday, I remember because on Saturday, Reggie almost always came with me to the city. She would spend the day with her parents and when I got off, we would have dinner together and do things in the city. Mom and dad would baby sit or your great grandma would baby sit on Saturday. I came to their house and was so mad at Mrs. Theodore that I could not see straight. I sat down to eat with the family and told the whole family what the B------ said about my sweet little wife. How dare her say these things about Reggie.
Your mom just started laughing out loud and she could not stop. She got up from the table and walked outside and was holding her stomach. She was actually crying and with laughter. It seems like I only knew about a small amount of the problems that your mom caused. She made calls and calls every day. She had friends call up and try and rent the place when it went back up for rent. Mrs. Theodore was a very prejudiced person and she did not like Blacks, Orientals, hicks or foreigners, in general.
Now, here is where your mom really got the gal and, man, I did not know she had it in her. Your mom called up the local branch of the NAACP in St. Louis. There was a real push going on in South Saint Louis to integrate the south part of the city. People were asking to let the organization to know when apartments and homes were for sale to whites and not to blacks. Well, when the NAACP called Mrs. Theodore and let her know that the in regard to the place for rent, they wanted to know if she would rent to any black people. Mrs. Theodore told them she took the apartment off the marked because she was going to have her daughter use it. They, in turn, told her that they would be checking-in to see if she tried to rent to anyone and to see if it was really off the market. Mom grew up in this neighborhood and she had friends who kept an eye on Mrs. Theodore.
We lived in Pacific for a few years and it was a part of our life that really sucked in some ways. Then in other ways, it was good for us as a couple. Renee and Steve were born in this town and we had a great place for the kids to play. The neighborhood was full of kids and families that could not afford much. We went to Saint Bridget’s in Pacific and made friends at the church but not many. The whole town considered the subdivision as the new people in town. We were looked down on in many ways in this town. I guess it was because there were 3 plats to this new subdivision and we lived in the 2nd plat. The last plat was almost all government housing.
I still remember that feeling of having people not taking pride in the homes that they lived in. Many of these people could live in these homes cheaper then they could live in an apartment and because the government was helping them pay for the cost of living there. You had people who cared living next to people who parked their cars on the lawns etc. We lived next to a guy who drove a semi and parked his rig on the street in front of his house. It made it impossible to park on the other side of the street from his rig and to help that out he parked on part of his grass. Oh, that was sweet.
This guy also had problems growing a hedge between our properties. He wanted to plant a hedge that farmers use to put between their fields that offer shelter to rabbits and small game. Now, that is good but it is also full of thorns and it looks like hell. Well, for some reason the damm stuff would not grow. I think it was the vegetation killer I put on it all the time.
Mom was elected to be on the subdivision trustees. We were at war with the company that built the subdivision. The place was supposed to have a great park behind our house. The place was supposed to have walkways, swings, ponds, light and benches. It was a place that a family could have a picnic at and really enjoy the area. We even paid an extra amount of money to have our lot on the fringe of the park. We were always going to the main office to see when they would start the construction of the park. Mom was very active in the neighborhood to make the builders respond.
The people in the neighborhood went to city hall but we did not seem to get anywhere with the city. The Mayor was the owner of a concrete plant in Eureka; he did everything he could do to stop us from addressing our problems. He would just tell us to hire a lawyer and it was not part of the city’s problems. You see the city really considered the whole subdivision as government housing and they wanted nothing to do with any of us.
The neighborhood starting having meetings in our basement and we started putting down the things that we all knew to be wrong with the place. Hell, there was one guy who had his house built in the wrong spot on his lot. His back yard was so small his rear steps ran into the neighbors yard. The contractor had diverted a creek and did not do it right. We had people who were loosing their back yard to the creek in a very fast pace. No work was done on the park and the subdivision was almost done. If you went into the office you could see the work that was planned for the beautiful park. We were a group of people that the city did not like and we were getting the big screw. (You know, I did not really fully understand why I have such a passion to help the Neighborhood here, where I live now, until I put my feelings about this time in my life.)
We had a meeting in our basement and made flyers and posters. We asked for help and asked for people to see what was going on with our plight. We had another meeting in our basement and had several members of the city council over to talk to them. The place was packed and of course we did not invite the Mayor. (BIG MISTAKE). Channel 5 in St. Louis interviewed me about an up and coming protest we planned on doing on the next Sunday. The TV crews came out and we made a lot of waves and a lot of problems for the builder.
We felt that now we would get some attention soon. Your mom was on the news and she talked to the reporters while she walked the line and she looked so good. However, before the week was over the ten people who walked the protest line got served! We were served with a Ten Thousand Dollar lawsuit a piece! The lawsuit was for one hundred thousand dollars. Your mom and me were also charged with holding a meeting in our home that was in violation of some laws that pertained to a unauthorized city meeting that somehow violated some laws because the council men acted on behalf of the city and did so without the presence of all the council members.
I was all crap but hell, we did not know it, and we were really scared and felt we would get the shaft. One guy who did not want his wife to be a part of the protest was sued because they thought it was he and it was me that was on the line. Well, to make a long story short, one of the guys who were being sued had a friend who was a lawyer and he took the case for nothing. We went to court and all the charges were dropped and we felt such a relief.
Well, that builder did not have any money in escrow to finish up the park. Hell, he never even started and he left it just full of weeds. The place started to get worse and I started a campaign to clean up the neighborhood. I worked with the boy scouts, the local churches and the residents to clean up their property. The homes had carports and most of the carports were full of junk. The night before the clean up people put their junk at the foot of their driveways. Boy Scouts help the older people get their junk to the street. The next day the city brought 2 trash trucks and a large flat bed truck and a dump truck to pick up trash. The city would pick up the trash not only in our subdivision but they started a campaign to clean up the whole town. I think they still do it one time a year now, or they used to do it one time a year, for each section of the city.
The only problem we had is that the people who needed to get rid of crap just went out in the cover of the night and picked up more crap and put it on their property. It was a problem that would never go away. I know it takes pride to keep your home in good order but laws that make people keep their trash out of site is a necessity.
Mom went to work for the police department in town and we made some good friends in Pacific. We also were so far away from everybody that we grew up with and I worked so many hours, it was hard on mom to be a housewife. She did not like to be stuck out in Pacific. Next time, I will cover things like the Police Department and how they were a joke. How the guy who ran for the police chief who only had the qualifications of being a dogcatcher. How life for us went for you kids and how we did the first years of our marriage.
Do you guys remember the times we spent at 6 Flags when they first opened, the pool in the back yard, the walks we had in the hills of a lot of parks. We used to go to Wildwoods Reservation a lot and look at the wolves there and walk in the hills. I use to carry Renee on my back; Steve was small so he was on a carrier on mom’s back and Angela she walked until she got tired and then I picked her up too. Hell, I am going into too much already.
I hope to put together a CD of the many slides we have of you kids when you were small. I hope it will bring back the memories we had doing things together. Hell, we really had a lot of great times. This was good for me too, to go over the past. I had a great time with you kids when you were small and I never did and never will grow up!
I got out of the Air Force at 12:30, June 27th, 1969 at McGuire AFB in New Jersey. I came home and did not tell anyone in my family I was coming home. I got to St Louis and no body knew I was there, I mean nobody. Nobody was home and nobody could come and get me. I called and called and nobody was home that I knew. Finally, my brother Mike came home after being out with his friends and came and got me at Lambert Airport. My mom and dad were on vacation fishing. Well, you see I came home at the end of June 1969 and I got married on April 11th, 1970. A lot of things happened from the time I got home until I got married. Many of these things happen that led me to just be in the right place and the right time to meet Regina.
A little over a week went by, when it was the 4th of July. Mom and dad came home from the fishing trip and dad was back to work at Monsanto. I think it was Uncle Blake who came in to St. Louis and picked up mom, mark and me and we went to St. Ann's to see a fireworks display. We did not tell Dad we were going to be gone and he was not home yet from work when we got home. Well, it was getting late and Dad still was not home and we got worried. We were all sitting in the living room and I heard a car door close. It was my dad and he was coming up the stairs real slow. He said he had chest pains but was OK. He said he had to stop a few times on the way home to rest.
My dad was short, five foot 6, but heavy about 230,I guess. I went down on the steps and picked him up in my arms and carried him to the car. I put him in the car and called for mom and away we went to the hospital on Grand, near highway 40. He had a heart attack and nearly died. He was out of work for months and he never really got back to good health. While dad was off work I went to work at Monsanto to help pay for my school at Mermec Community College.
I worked in the cafeteria cleaning tables with other kids of parents who worked at Monsanto. It was here that I met a beautiful woman that I was in awe of. She was the most beautiful girl I ever met. I asked her out but her dad would not let her go out with white guys. She was black and beautiful, and I found out later she was a friend of Reggie's. She went to school at St. Elizabeth Catholic High School where your mom went to school. She came to visit your mom a time or two at her house and it caused a stir with your mom's grandma. Your grandma did not have any problem having a black girl over to the house for supper but Grandma, just made sure the family ate off paper plates.
When I started attending classes at the college, I found
out that I could get a job as a Campus Policeman and, besides the G I Bill paying for me to go to college.
, I would get my tuition paid for by the school. It was after I started working as a college policeman, that I took your mom to the dance in St. Charles with my friend John Rusicka and his girlfriend, Pouche. They latter married and we became good friends and hung around together with a bunch of my friends from my high school.
I am getting away from the main story line here, so I will back to Reggie and me. We started to date a lot from the first real date. I do not think we went a day with out seeing each other. I soon knew I had to get up some money real quick if I wanted to get married. I was going to school, working the midnight shift as a campus policeman, so I was too busy to take on another job, or was I? I figured I could get a part-time job as an apartment manager. I took over the job as the apartment manager of a place on the corner of Chippewa and Gravois.
I got my rent free, electric and my phone bill for just taking out the trash that people put on the rear steps and walkways each day and making sure there were no problems. I had to rent out apartments too everybody stayed there for a long time. I also had to clean the hallways and the shovel the walks. I was off Monday mornings so, I did a lot of clean up stuff on my day off.
I was set now with a place to live, a good income, a start of a good education and a woman I was really in love with. I moved in this apartment in November of 1969 and I started to buy things to fill out my apartment. I worked, went to school, cleaned up the apartment building and picked up mom at times and took her to work. She worked for the government and had a great job. She worked in downtown St. Louis and could take a bus back and forth to her job but really liked it, if I took her to work or picked her up. I was only getting about four hours of sleep a day trying to do all of this but it was worth it to spend time with your mom.
It was worth it until I almost went into the cemetery with my green machine on the way to pick up your mom. one day on the way home from work. I do not remember going off the road on highway 66 but I do remember seeing the tree in the area just off the highway in the cemetery. I had to slow down and mom started taking the bus more to go to work and I would see her when
she got home. Sometimes, she would get off the bus right in front of the apartment. She made supper now and then, and man, she could make pasta. My family loved it when she made Lasagna and garlic bread.
My dad loved Regina but did not like it, that she would walk right in their home without knocking. She could catch my dad in his underwear a lot and sometimes my dad had to run and hide to keep from being caught. He always said “can't you teach that gal to knock”? My dad did like your mom but he could never understand how I left Germany with out finding a good German girl to marry. I could not make him understand that most of the German gals I met were not the ones you’d bring home to meet your mother.
I was invited to come over to the Bottini’s home for the first time a few weeks after we started dating. It was going to be a big deal for Regina, as Joe, Jane, Tommy, and Mary would be there to play the extras on
this night. Your mom was going to make my favorite desert, lemon mirage pie. She wanted to show off for me and make her mom know she was serious. She made the crust and everything from scratch.
When she read the directions, she saw the part that said 4 teaspoons but the recipe was a bit old and she thought is said 4 cups! She ended up making syrup
pie, just cut the crust and spooned the syrup onto the plate. It was sweet and Tommy and I were the only ones to eat the pie; Tommy ate the pie because he loved sugar and me because I would have eaten crap if it were on the plate.
Tommy made some neat disclosers at the table that night. He kept saying SBD, SBD, and SBD. I had no idea what he was talking about but everybody else was giving him the, BAD EYE. Grandpa got on him right away and Tom went into his ‘I cannot breathe routine’, and I thought he was having a big problem. I had a ball and the dinner went real well. Jane said she was sorry for the noise level and I remember telling her, I am used to it because of eating with more than a hundred people for the last three and a half years. I did not know at the time that grandpa does not like talk about (BODY WIND) at the table. He had a very week stomach and he nearly went to the bathroom to upchuck. In case you do not know what SBD is all about it stands for, ‘silent but deadly’.
Christmas was the next big thing to come into
our life. I know we just started going out but by the end of December we were making plans to get married. I know in January, Reggie just wanted to drive to Illinois and get married. I do not remember who had the knowledge but we thought you could get married by a Justice Of The Peace on the spot. There was no day or week to wait, just get married now, she said. I wanted to get married but not that way; she really pushed to leave to go to the east side.
For many years, the place to go on Christmas Day was Sam and Barbara's house. They are wonderful people and the whole Italian family always meets a couple times a year there. I came to visit for Christmas 1969 and I was called the AMERICANO, put the accent on the O. I love the love that comes from a visit to Sam and Barbara's house anytime you go there.
Christmas is a whole different story because the party goes into an Italian mood. The wine, snacks, meat, pasta, music, decorations, and the people are all Italian. My mother-in-law told me that many years ago she was the Americano but it was my turn now.
The women sit in the kitchen, the family room, living room or perch their heads over the men in the dinning room playing cards. No woman could play cards when I first came to the family. The men all spoke Italian, even my future father in law spoke nothing but Italian. I was invited to play cards with the big boys and play I did. I lost every hand for about three hours and then I got down to my last few dollars.
I saw all the players; there were ten of them looking at me and smiling and speaking Italian and laughing and grinning at me all night. I was just about out of it all when I got dealt four kings and a jack. With ten men playing five-card draw how could I loose, you had to shuffle the throw away cards to play the hands.
I bet heavy but so did the guy with the open shirt and the gold chains pulling his neck down. He was the forerunner of a Mr. T. with an Italian accent. It soon became a hand with only me and Sorro playing against each other. Hell, I know he threw away three cards so how can he win with that chance. I know I borrowed money from Joe my future father-in-law and Reggie. He raised and I raised; man, we really spiced up the pot and I knew I would win. The whole place was just humming with words that I could not understand and a lot of laughter.
How in the hell did he end up with four aces? How did this happen when he picked up three throw away cards? Who would throw away an ace in a game like this? I always think that this was somehow a test to join the family. It was like "Well, he did not go ape shit or get up and leave". Nobody knew what I was saying under my breath but the laughter was really hitting the high notes and I was just quiet.
Things are not the same when you play cards today. The women play a lot of the games that the men did not let them play in years back. Hell, a woman could not sit at the table way back in the early 70's. I think I could be wrong that Regina and her mom broke the wall down and got equal rights at the card table.
It was at this house, that I met the whole family and heard the stories about moms past. How she was the flower girl at Sam and Barbara's Wedding and passed-out during the ceremony and crashed backwards off the alter. How she was such a sweet little Italian girl who reminded everyone of Joe's Mother, Gina. When your grandma Jan would get a few drinks inside her; she told everyone she was Italian by insertion.
The people here are the best, they love you or hate you, there is no in-between. Unless you did one hell of a bad thing, you were welcome and still are with open arms. Hey Sam! How is it going? Sam would always answer BUSY, BUSY, and BUSY. Sam was and is today, one hard working person who came to this country and made a life for his family and his friends.
In February, Reggie and I took a trip to Southeast Missouri State to check out the school. Reggie was going to get a transfer to work at a government job near the Cape. I was going as a rep for Mutual of New York and they would pay me to offer insurance to the students. I would still get my G I benefits. We were going to move down to the University and our plans were really in order. We were going to get married, I think in August, and then move. I would get my college education in business because insurance was what I was headed after.
Angie, you started to come alive on that trip to the Cape. I bought some white leather boots when we went on that trip. Man, mom had the most beautiful legs and the white boots and a mini skirt made mom a real hot chick. So hot in fact, that I asked her not to wear them a while after we got married. Well, she wore them anyway because she would say "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING". She was really in good shape and I think she was a size five then.
I remember the day we drove home from the Cape, we stopped at road signs and took pictures of each other. If it was a sign that said, "Watch out for the curves" then she would get next to the sign and look sexy. I did the one for caution slow children. We went to eat at a place just over the bridge in the Cape that was a hang-out for gangs in the 20's. I was the Purple blank, blank. It burned down many years ago but is was a wonderful memory we had for years.
In late February, I got real sick and had a high fever. My brother Mark came over to help me work on the apartment one weekend and I really got sick. Regina and Mark tied to get my fever to go down with ice and ice packs. Regina fell asleep and so did Mark, only to be woke up by a mad father wondering why his little girl was still at my house at 4 in the morning. I do not know if Joe believed us or not but nothing happened that night. It may have happened other nights but not that night.
I do not know when but that night or the next day, I went to the hospital because of the pain I was in. I had a bleeding intestinal tract from eating so damm many White castles. I ate them all the time for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now you would think that your mom would be very understanding because I was so sick - NO WAY.
I was in the hospital on the day I was supposed to pick up the ring for our engagement. Your mom got so sick she ended up in the hospital herself. She passed out in the hospital by my bed and they took her to the emergency room. If your mom is looking down at me right now, she will be shacking her head, it was her nerves that made her sick. She hated when people or doctors would say that to her.
I got out of the hospital the day after Reggie got put in and I went and picked up the ring right away. My brother Mark had a connection with the place I picked up the ring at but I do not remember now just how. I went to your mom's room and got down on one knee and proposed to my wife in the hospital. She did not want to wait another day longer. I do remember she was mad as hell at me because I proposed to her the same way my Dad did by singing the same song he did when he proposed “It's a sin to tell a lie, I love you", was the song. Bad choice but I made a few and bad ones just not the wrong women.
We were planning to get married in August and the ring was on her finger. Hey, it was a good one too even though she went to a jeweler a day after she got out of the hospital to make sure the ring was real - she really did! I think my mother-in-law had something to do with that deal, right mom.
Now, we are into March of 1970 and Reggie fell down at the bus stop one morning. She caught the bus just down the street at the end of Sunshine drive and Gravois. She said she could only remember falling into the street and skinning up her legs and messing up her nylons, shoes and her dress. I came over after work that morning and tried to calm her down. She got dizzy a few other times in the next few weeks.
She took off work a few times and it did not look good for her at the office. I was concerned about her a lot and did not know what to think. Reggie and I did some talking one night and decided to call a friend of mine and talk to his wife. Mike Stewart's wife was pregnant and she had always talked to your mom about how good her doctor was. Reggie made the appointment and we went to see him as soon as we could.
I remember the doctor saying "you’re lucky you’re pregnant, Reggie because you have a curved uterus. It's a wonder you even got pregnant because you may never have another child again”. (I now go back in my mind and think that her uterus was curved just right to have more babies). I remember the ride back to her house that day. How am I going to tell my mom and my dad? We loved each other and even though, it changed our plans a lot, we would make it.
I just remember how hard it was going to be to tell her mom and dad. I told her dad as I can remember and I still remember what he said, "Hell, I am not a bit surprised". Hey, we still didn't do anything on the night she was at my house until four in the morning.
Reggie's mom was hurt and she just took it all in and started to make plans for a wedding. My mom and dad were the next two to break the news too. My dad was out of town on a fishing trip so we did not get to tell him for a few days. My mom was happy for us and hugged Reggie real hard and said " You know I got married when I was pregnant also”. When my dad came home a few days latter, I went over to give him the news. I can still remember just how it all went. I walked in and my dad was sitting in the front room in a corner. He greeted us both and went right into a story - no, he went right into five or more stories about his trip.
He must have told us 7 or 8 different stories that night but after the 4th, 5th, and the 6th story, I tried to stop him by telling him "DAD REGGIE AND ME ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED NEXT WEEK". He would look up at me and then go on to his next story. Well after the 7th story, I just went over to him and grabbed him and shook his shoulders. I looked right at him and I was just a few inches from his face yelled, "DAD WE ARE GOING TO BE MARRIED NEXT WEEK, I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER".
Now, I can remember this like it just happened today. My dad stopped his stories and with tears going down his eyes he said "Son, your mom was pregnant too when we got married". Then he said "I LOVE YOU STEVE". Now you may not know this or remember this but I will always remember this moment.
My dad grew up in a house that had no room for emotions. He was brought up to think that a MAN never showed his emotions because that was a sign of weakness. That moment was the 2nd time in my whole life that I remember my dad telling me he loved me. It was also the last time he told me that. I knew he loved me by his actions and never had a problem with that, but besides the time I left to go overseas in the service this was the only other time he told me that he loved me.
Kathy and I attended 10 years of “LCMS Strands” - annual weekend event, close to Valentine’s Day, where 30 to 40 couples from all over Missouri (LCMS Mo. District) celebrate their marriages together, with a renewal at Sunday morning Worship Service. Each year, it was led by a different couple (so, the theme was different each year), with the husband being a Minister and the Sat. evening banquet’s MC was another Minister.
For our wedding, after we had proposed the Bible readings for it, we asked our Pastor to include another one, which included “a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12), referring to the wife & husband & Jesus bonded together forever!
He told us that he’d include it in his sermonette, which he did, after stopping the wedding in the middle of it, to say that he wanted to be the 1st one to give us a wedding gift (a small box containing a short rope of 3 strands, something we have cherished to this day)! Later, we learned about the LCMS Strands event and attended it for 10 years, until Mo. District could not afford it financially anymore.
Each year, on Sat. before lunchtime, we joined in an activity that also included a Bible study. One year, we did an arts & craft activity that had Kathy and I really focused in it, so much, that, after most couples had finished with it, and, the Bible study began, the other couples were led by the Pastor & his wife with a project that included sentences, in alphabetical order, regarding words of wisdom about good marriages, but, I was still focused on the arts & craft activity.
They were already on “J, K & L” sentences, when I asked Kathy “what are they spelling?”, to which she laughed uncontrollably & so loudly, that the other couple, sharing our table began to laugh, without knowing why we were laughing, but, it was just contagious - so much so, that it was spreading though-out our section of the auditorium - it took me a while to understand what they were actually doing, and, to this day, whenever Kathy and I need a laugh, we just ask the other “what are they spelling?”.
Another year, the MC for the banquet was, perhaps, the funniest man I ever heard; I and others were falling out of our chairs. He looked like “Curly” (from the 3 Stooges).
During this banquet (held at a resort in Branson, Mo.) we learned that he was the Pastor at the LCMS church at the Lake of the Ozarks; since we visited this area almost yearly, we thought we’d visit his church to hear his sermon - imagining his congregation hysterically laughing during his sermon (something we just could not imagine happening, but, we’d loved to witness).
So, the following year, we took a vacation near his church, and, looked forward to visiting his church to hear his sermon.
As we entered his church, we noticed it was full of people and there were a few clergy there, but, he did eventually, come to the pulpit to give his sermon.
We noted that, as he gave his sermon, he was more serious than any Minister ever - he was not funny at all! Though we did not laugh, it was an inspirational sermon.
Afterwards, as we were leaving the church, we shook his hand on the way out and did not mention that we saw him the previous year at the Strands event.
Interestingly, we told our Pastor, who married us, about this - he knew of this hilarious Pastor (when he wasn’t giving a sermon) and was familiar of how funny he normally was.
Kathy and I attended 10 years of “LCMS Strands” - annual weekend event, close to Valentine’s Day, where 30 to 40 couples from all over Missouri (LCMS Mo. District) celebrate their marriages together, with a renewal at Sunday morning Worship Service. Each year, it was led by a different couple (so, the theme was different each year), with the husband being a Minister and the Sat. evening banquet’s MC was another Minister.
For our wedding, after we had proposed the Bible readings for it, we asked our Pastor to include another one, which included “a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12), referring to the wife & husband & Jesus bonded together forever!
He told us that he’d include it in his sermonette, which he did, after stopping the wedding in the middle of it, to say that he wanted to be the 1st one to give us a wedding gift (a small box containing a short rope of 3 strands, something we have cherished to this day)! Later, we learned about the LCMS Strands event and attended it for 10 years, until Mo. District could not afford it financially anymore.
Each year, on Sat. before lunchtime, we joined in an activity that also included a Bible study. One year, we did an arts & craft activity that had Kathy and I really focused in it, so much, that, after most couples had finished with it, and, the Bible study began, the other couples were led by the Pastor & his wife with a project that included sentences, in alphabetical order, regarding words of wisdom about good marriages, but, I was still focused on the arts & craft activity.
They were already on “J, K & L” sentences, when I asked Kathy “what are they spelling?”, to which she laughed uncontrollably & so loudly, that the other couple, sharing our table began to laugh, without knowing why we were laughing, but, it was just contagious - so much so, that it was spreading though-out our section of the auditorium - it took me a while to understand what they were actually doing, and, to this day, whenever Kathy and I need a laugh, we just ask the other “what are they spelling?”.
Another year, the MC for the banquet was, perhaps, the funniest man I ever heard; I and others were falling out of our chairs. He looked like “Curly” (from the 3 Stooges).
During this banquet (held at a resort in Branson, Mo.) we learned that he was the Pastor at the LCMS church at the Lake of the Ozarks; since we visited this area almost yearly, we thought we’d visit his church to hear his sermon - imagining his congregation hysterically laughing during his sermon (something we just could not imagine happening, but, we’d loved to witness)
So, the following year, we took a vacation near his church, and, looked forward to visiting his church to hear his sermon.
As we entered his church, we noticed it was full of people and there were a few clergy there, but, he did eventually, come to the pulpit to give his sermon.
We noted that, as he gave his sermon, he was more serious than any Minister ever - he was not funny at all! Though we did not laugh, it was an inspirational sermon.
Afterwards, as we were leaving the church, we shook his hand on the way out and did not mention that we saw him the previous year at the Strands event.
Interestingly, we told our Pastor, who married us, about this - he knew of this hilarious Pastor (when he wasn’t giving a sermon) and was familiar of how funny he normally was.
Copyright © 2023 Mark Holdenried - All Rights Reserved.
Powered by GoDaddy
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience. By accepting our use of cookies, your data will be aggregated with all other user data.